Contemplating

Relink

2006-11-24T01:47:00.000+08:00

http://skatenca.multiply.com

Goodnight Moon

2006-10-23T07:13:00.000+08:00

There's a nail in the door
And there's glass on the lawn
Tacks on the floor
And the TV is on
And I always sleep with my guns when you're gone

There's a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand
When I'm all alone the dreaming stops
And I just can't stand

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out
And maybe and then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home

Now goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

There's a shark in the pool
And a witch in the tree
A crazy old neighbor and he's been watching me
And there's footsteps loud and strong coming down the hall
Something's under the bed
Now it's out in the hedge
There's a big black crow sitting on my window ledge
And I hear something scratching through the wall


Well you're up so high
How can you save me
When the dark comes here
Tonight to take me up
To my front walk
And into bed where it kisses my face
And eats my head

Dont tell me you miss me when you really dont need me around

2006-08-21T22:19:00.000+08:00

I'm just tired..

Please take me to the other side..

The pain of this slow burn

2006-07-30T15:48:00.000+08:00

I've lost a precious thing. Something that i kept it rigt in my heart, one thing that you will never ever see me without.
Now I've lost it.

I didnt sleep for 2 days for i'm troubled. Cant you see it in my eyes?
And i finally slept, in his arms. You dont know how comforting that 10 mins of sleep was..
You make me think alot.. For all that you've promised me.. I cried when i read all those notes. I called you the first time and the moment i hear your voice on the other line, i cried.. I said it was nothing, foolish me and i hung up. The second time i called, i asked you why.. You said i deserve it.. and i cried. When you reach my place, the moment i saw your face at my door, i cried. In your car, thru the whole silent journey to city hall, i cried and cried.. Cry baby.. Bah~

And it hurts my soul cause i cant let go. All these walls are caving in and i know i cant stop my sufferings. I hate to show that i've lost control cause i keep going right back to the one thing i need to walk away..
I wanna run away from all this pain.
I've been licking my wounds but your venom seeps deeper.
I'm about to break and i can’t stop this ache. I'm addicted to your allure and I'm finding for a cure cause I cant mend this torn state I'm in.

Everytime I try to grasp for air , i get smothered in dispair and it's never over. Seems like i'll never wake from this nightmare so I let out a silent prayer to let it be over.
Inside I'm screaming, begging, pleading - no more please darl.

I dont know what to do.. My heart has been bruised, so sad but it’s true.. Each beat reminds me of you.

And everywhere i turn , i keep going right back to the one thing that i need...

You.

Misery is a butterfly

2006-07-27T02:52:00.000+08:00

Yea it glows. Awesome eh?

I'd dodge a bullet for you..

2006-07-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

Hey sweetheart, don't take it so hard.
I'm sorry I was bringing you down.
I didn't mean it when I said, that I wish you were dead.

And hey sweetheart, is that your new car?
Why don't you drive it off of a cliff?
Because I can't stand your life, since I am no longer in it.

And the pain is real but so are the pills.
I can talk to my therapist, pretend you don't exist.

The further you go, the colder my bones begin to grow.
They're cracking and creaking, creating a big scene, in the vessel of my body.

And hey sweetheart, how far is too far?
Cause now I have some blood on my hands.
It may have been a mistake, but I am only human.

//as the rush comes

2006-07-20T13:20:00.000+08:00

2006-07-20T12:28:00.000+08:00

Stick a fork in a socket, do what you'd like.. Just make sure that I'm far out of your life.
Take an axe to your fingers, carve out your eyes..
And cut out your tongue and then we'll call this a tie.

You were one step behind in that dismal school of mine. Needle and percocet instead of books on students desks.
We were so charming, but the future was alarming and now don't you go look so proud.
Yes, guess who's laughing now?

And we've learned that life is one big game where the winners are all getting paid..
So stop dragging your feet behind cause you can't live with the folks all your life..
So on those days home in your car, we jerked the steering wheel to the median joking that we'd end our lives..
But we weren't joking all the time..

"Start a band or throw a brick"
You lazy hipsters make me sick!
Don't clap your hands; don't start to dance..
Kid, you may be playing your music loud but it's drowned out by your stinking mouth..

I won't let it burn..

2006-07-13T15:25:00.000+08:00

Darl, its all in the past. I know i do you alot of wrong and you're terribly hurt. But trust me, all this while I've been trying so hard to mend your heart.. Do you not noticed it? The other time you told you see it through me that I did changed for the better for you and you appreciated me so much.. You told me you love me endlessly.. Now suddenly you told me its dying.. I admit we do argue all the time. And no, you're not the only who's thinking and worrying about the relationship. Tell me, who was beside you when you're hanging on tight to your life on that bench? Who was the one who stayed with you the whole night? Who comforted you when you had that terrible crash? Who assures you that nothing would go wrong? Who do you always turn to when when you're terribly worried of something? Who accompanied you all those lonely nights at home? Who do you always complain about stuffs you hated? Who do you vent your anger on when you can't take it anymore? Who do you seek the comfort when you're tired? Who do you call when you're feeling lonely? Who do seek to when you wanted to share the latest jokes, the lastest movies you wanna watch?
Baby, I'm trying so hard here, wanting to see you smile eveyday, wanting to make you happy, wanting to make you trust me, wanting you to have faith in me, wanting you to believe in me.
Did i never treat you right? Did i always start to fight? Was it that i never paid enough attention? Or did I not give you enough affection? I did tried to care for your heart.. I did gave you time with your friends too at times.. I did tried to give you time with your games and to rest at times.. I did tried not to bother that much when you're tired.. I did tried not to get too much associated with those guy friends that you dont favour.. I did try to make you happy.. I did try to care.. You want me to be more closer with some other people than the other, i did try to.. You dont want me to do this thing and that thing all for my own benefits, i did listen to you too. You told me not go back late at times, i did too as you say at times. I always check with you if its ok for me to do this, do that, whether you'd like it or not..
You dont want me to do anything with all my ex-es anymore.. I did not anymore for it triggers all these suspicions and jealousy between us. You dont favour me going to all these late nights with the others girls that you're not quite sure of, i did not too cause i'm determined to win back your trust..

I know, it hurts all too much, what I've done but trust me.. Thats not me anymore.. Everywhere i go, I'm bound to bump on your friends and you knew all the girls that i'm going out with too.
Darl, for all the love and care you've showered me, I feel blessed. I appreciate eveything that you have done, how patient you always are to me, to endure all my stupidity and lameness. To go with my stubborness even how pissed you are.. How you pick me up at times when i was scared.. how you use to hug me so tightly when i told you that i miss you damn badly. How you make a long face when i didnt kiss you the whole day. How you always rest your arms on my shoulder when it gets tired and walk around town like we were best pals. How we always laugh at those people who are weird looking, laughs loudly at our own jokes.. Who would bother walking from Kallang all the way to Esplanade at 2 am in the morning on foot and talks about nothing and everything all at once? We do.. Talked about the Bermuda Triangles and the pyramid.. Talks about animals, robberies, solar systems, the sea, about ships, about machines, about computers and eveything in the world.

I miss you. Why did you say that finding what we had last time isn't working out? We did pick up the pieces together.. And slowly we did managed to build it up once again.. Maybe cause its too little. And theres alot more pieces missing.. But I, I have faith in you.. I believe that you and me together, we CAN work this out. I know you want to guide me back so much but you're just too busy with the Final Year Project and the upcomings exams and all other major stuff that needed more attention now than to solve this. I understand that. But i feel that there is no reason why we should stop believing in whats left.. Yes it all takes time and i guess ours took too much time to actually shine out once again, but its ok... I'm willing to wait till the day that our love will shine as bright as before. Yes, maybe you'd think its an impossible goal to reach. But i dont. No matter how you tell me it has died, no matter how you tell me its fading, I refuse to trust that. Cause i have so much faith in you. I know, and everybody knows, i depended too much on you. Every time you're not around, dont pick up calls when you're sleeping and even the slightest thing you never do, i get worried cause i want you with me every second.

I guess thats the thing about me. The selfishness in me. Cause I wanted you to be there for me everytime. I'm sorry for being inconsiderate to your time.

I know you have feelings.. I do too. I've been hurt too and i always accepted your apologies. All those times when you get too angry and didnt mean to just slashed it out at me. Do you know that I'm so scared of you? I'm scared to make you angry, to make you piss, to make you tired.. Cause i fear of you leaving me.

And yes, i just cant seem let go of everything. Cause i love you too much.

I don't want to lose you and i don't want to use you just to have somebody by my side.. I don't want to hate you but i don't want to be the one to cry. And that don't really matter to anyone anymore. But like a fool i keep losing my place and i keep seeing you walk through that door. And i know that there's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when i know it's my heart you can't trust.. I know that there's a reason why people don't stay where they are. Cause sometimes, love alone is just not enough.. And i know i could never change you and i don't want to blame you.. Baby, you don't have to take the fall and yes, i may have hurt you but i did not desert you. I never did.. Maybe i just want to have it all..

It somewhat makes a sound like thunder and it makes me feel like rain.. And like a fool who will never see the truth, i keep thinking something's gonna change.. It feels like there's no way home when it's late at night and you're all alone.

These are the things i wanted to say..

I need you with me. Please don't leave.

I'm not ready for goodbye.

For i love you so much so.....
Baby please.

A useless life is an early death..

2006-07-06T13:03:00.000+08:00

Comprehend it and keep in mind the wisdom whisper of mine.

Hahaha..RGHT!
and since when wisdom overules this popping brain of mine? never!

So yeah, long weekend..

First to start.
Kena terminate from work.

Second, the beach with the lovely girls

Then to West Coast..

Then its Mel's cuzz's engagement day. No, i not busybody there.. I groom for her.

Then it Farah's birthday in the night.

Then makeover my cuzz.. and i dont wanna get strangled by her so i left the before picture out.

Then i colour my hair. Thanks Maya!

My Cam is eveywhere i go..

PS. My mum loves the new hairdo and she wants it too.
Hahahaha! Rock on mum!

\m/

Come Tinkie, suckle my tits..

2006-06-25T22:52:00.001+08:00

In case you're wondering, no i'm not a Bie-sexxuallzz.. and yes, i'm perfectly ruler straight.

Tho this coppered Tinkie is in an awkward situation, the new neckline says my obsession to this little fairy. *Gangsa*just me.

The gift that you are meant to walk with was a gift straight from the heart. It was a normal pair. Something i thought i could afford it on my own account. I hope you like it. Mr Crockie can rest now. Gonna miss ya Croc..

My voice took leave for a week to go on a holiday.. Says it needed rest. So here i am greeting your phone calls witha super coarse voice.

So let me start..

Fuckiez youz, youz hava justa makie myi namiez quita baddz. Stoppaz sleepingiz aroundza alreadyiz. Godamitaz, youz areiz fuckiez 20 alreadyiz. Onez nightiez standz withaz somez ofaz myi boyizfreindiz goodiz paloz..WTF. Thinkz withaz youriz fuckiez brainiez. Arez youz somiez kindaz slutiez? Iz donttaz neediez a freindiz likez youz. honestelyiz, immaz ashamezed ofaz youriz lifezstyloz. Thankkiuz.

Really, i do..

2006-06-23T13:18:00.000+08:00

You were on my mind
Inside the bus
You looked so good
I almost had to go
And when I got outside
I thought of you again
I think you should be framed
In some Fine Art gallery
I know you'd disagree with me
But I love you anyways

Addicted..

2006-06-22T11:22:00.000+08:00

To you.. Have you ever wondered that even after 3 years, here i am.. Still so much in love with you. All i'm asking you now, is for you to open up and accept me for who i am. I've tried changing in many ways possible for you..

So it is.. Here i am at my new workplace. Dont have much to do actually. Let me share with you my routine. Bring out the welcome mat, see who's on mc, whos on leave, whos late and all. Take the newspaper and the noted list to boss's room. Update the date on boss calender. Lock his room.
.
.
.
Check daily curency rates.
.
.
.
1 pm, lunch.
.
.
.
3.30pm, check mails.
.
.
.
6pm, go back.

Thats it..How plain is this life anyway?

I've been really tired lately. I dont understand why. After work, i went home straight. At times i eat dinner, otherwise i talk on the phone with acit. And would be cosily sleeping by 11.
I dont really feel quite the vibes these days.. The rush that you had when you're anticipating to see the special someone. I really feel bad.. Cause i wanted to see him so much but by the time he arrived, i'm all drained out and ends up cancelling all my plans like catching a movie, maybe to uncle's. And he ends up sending me home instead to which i would sleep during the journey back. Gee..

I've been cutting down lately. ON FOOD. I just dont feel the want to eat like i use to..
I skip my breakfast. Had sandwiches for lunch. Dinner, fast food.
gee.. I so cant get through my morning without coffee..

Baby, this is for you.

There was a time
I was everything and nothing all in one
When you found me
I was feeling like a cloud across the sun

I need to tell you
How you light up every second of the day
But in the moonlight
You just shine like a beacon on the bay

And I can't explain
But it's something about the way you look tonight
Takes my breath away
It's that feeling I get about you, deep inside
And I can't describe
But it's something about the way you look tonight
Takes my breath away
The way you look tonight

With a smile
You pull the deepest secrets from my heart
In all honesty
I'm speechless and I don't know where to start

Darl.. Please hug me, kiss me, hold me and tell me...you love me.

2006-06-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

I watched the walls around me crumble but it's not like I won't build them up again. So here's your last chance for redemption, so take it while it lasts, cause it will end . My tears are turning into time that I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye.
I can't live without you, breathe without you. I'm dreaming bout you. Honestly, tell me that it's over cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living, it won't be right if we're not in it together. I don't wanna be the one to chase you but at the same time, you're the heart that I call home. I'm always stuck with these emotions and the more I try to feel, the less I'm whole..

My tears are turning into time I’ve wasted trying to find.......................

You've just killed me..

I want to be buried in your backyard..

2006-06-11T14:38:00.000+08:00

The streets are all violent
with murderous excitement
The hunter and the prey are dancing everyday
That waltzing jibberish
where intake becomes outlandish
I'm in a bad way every passing day

"So where do we go from here" I'll say
you're a shining star, you'd do great in L.A.
and I keep fixing every habit that I break

Oh Megan, is this thing of ours still on?
for I haven't slept a wink since you have been gone
Now I want to be buried in your backyard
and when the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart
You're still in my heart

A flash of dark interest steers us into this car crash
uniting our remains, a fiery hurray ...ay ay ay
Our hands touch unnoticed
pressed up against melting glass
You're calling out my name as the air escapes

Oh "Where do we go from here" I'll say
you're a shining star, you'd do great in L.A.
and I keep fixing every habit that I break

Oh Megan, is this thing of ours still on?
For I haven't slept a wink since you have been gone
Now I want to be buried in your backyard
and when the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart

Oww..

"Where do we go from here" I'll say
you're a shining star, you'd do great in L.A.
and I keep fixing every habit that I break

Woo..

Oh Megan, is this thing of ours still on?
For I haven't slept a wink since you have been gone
Now I want to be buried in your backyard
and when the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart

When the flowers grow
just know you're in my heart

When the flowers grow
just know you're still in my heart...

I have nothing.. really

2006-06-11T13:53:00.000+08:00

Share my life and take me for what I am cause I'll never change all my colors for you.
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much but just all that you are and everything that you do.

I don't really need to look very much further.
I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow.
I won't hold it back again this passion inside cause i can't run from myself and there's nowhere to hide.

Don't make me close one more door. I don't wanna hurt anymore.
Stay in my arms if you dare. Must I imagine you there?
Don't walk away from me. I Have Nothing..
Nothing, if i don't have you.

You see through right to the heart of me. You break down my walls with the strength of your love. I never knew love like I known it with you. Will our memories survive? One I can hold on to..

You're the love I remember forever..

camwhored..

2006-06-09T16:43:00.000+08:00

I played dressed up last night.
What else is great to do right? You have a great digicam. So just click it.

Last night.. I felt good. The wine was superb. And if only you were there, you could've made my whole day.

Sometimes i wonder. If he really loves me as much. Its been a whole year since the shit happened. But he still keeps blaming me now and then. Bringing up whats meant to be forgotten. Thats what makes me wonder.. That what makes me feel insecure all over again..
Have i not proved him enough all this while? I'm not askinng for alot but just a tiny little sign will do..And i finally realize that all this while, i was alone. For he never reached out to me..
I dunno.. I cant do these things alone anymore. I need him....
I'm just ----- to have to keep proving to him. The same thing over and over again. But i dont see him trying to accept it. Then why the 2nd chance? I'm not saying i'm not grateful.. cause i am.. Every single second that he is with me I'm glad that he's still mine.
I just don't understand why...

Please..Just come back home to me.

Who would've thought?

2006-06-08T16:18:00.000+08:00

That an armpit could smell so nice..
Yess... i'm obsessed with my boyfriend's armpits.. it smells damn nice. Hence i admit i like to cuddle and selit under his armpits..
*smiles*

You can never be too happy for a day.. cause you'd might end up crying at the end of the day.
I got the job i went for the interview. Thanks to Ain..Starting work this monday.
Went for school.. Yeah, the lame ol hairstyling.. and i've found out a cool way to revamped it!!!
And met Acit THE-NICE-SMELLING-ARMPITS. Went east coast to eat satay and roti john.. Chill by the shores, enjoying the cool breeze. Cuddle up by his side. I just love being by his side.
The warmth, the security, the comfort. I am lucky. For he returned to me when i set him free.
Yes, i admit i was stupid and foolish. I was still looking for myself. Still wanna play around. I don't know what i want and what i need. I neglected him when he needed me the most. Now it seems like I've lost him.. The real him.

Bah... I hate this.. Just blame it on me.
Why bother think about it? I am trying to redeem myself. Honestly.. I am.. But if it seems like the only way the naked eyes wanted to me through is the rotten me.

I need to poo poo..

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Sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed..

2006-06-07T14:03:00.000+08:00

Yes, so it is.. I've cut my hair. Finally.
Just the same old hair.. That's the thing.. Every one has something like everyone else.
Hah.

So it is..

I've got a job interview today at 4.30. I'm stil clueless in wat to wear and there's school today.. Haiz. I hatet his hairstyling class.. so old fashion.. Like those cina-cina auntie's wedding..
Bah..

Acit.. Where are you? i hope i can see you tonight after my school. Miss ya babe. I wanna squeeze your bum and hid under your armpits. Hmmmm.... Please.. Wahahahaha!!!

Vid.. quater final pe pat Millenia Walk?Wahahaha.. I accompanied these 2 ladies to go temankan the adik-adiks to Kid's Central One Minute Of Fame. Wahaha..
The Backstreet Boys/Code Red/ eveything in between aka Generation 69..
Wahahaha...
Cute. Its funni to see these boys Primary 6, still have the enthusiasm to be in this show.. i mean its only for a minute you know. Wahaha.. Cuteness.

Omen 666

2006-06-06T17:18:00.000+08:00

Well, wat a boring story.. Besides the occasional part of sudden fright, i dont know see the peupose of the show.. Ok so... ya, the boy is born a devil.. So? There's no beginning and no end. So the boy's mum was a dog. But How? I wanna know all of em.. Like how did the dog gave birth and with which evil dog that the mums mates with and stuff.. And the boy.. Such a simplicity role. Just say a few words, put up a crazy act and... smile at the end of the show? What the hell?
Yeah wat the hell.

Acitz got really pissed of with the boy. Haiz.. That crazy ol'man.

Bintan.. Bintan..
Money O Money...
The kallang bullshit is starting this saturday. Oh boy..

Catz or catz.. Yeah, i bought them some lil treatz.. and boy does it works like angelz..
they've been realli good after that.. tailing me eveywhere i go.. sleeping beside me while i laze around watching cartoons..
Good lil kitties.

Am i'm late.. i'm suppose to get ready to go see farah.. wahahaha..
Haiz..
And my nose has been running for a mile..

Bratz Babiez..

2006-06-05T15:57:00.000+08:00

Yeah, its the GSS and i bought a doll.
Here i am, all ready to go out and plans cocked up again. And here i am waiting for him. I'm bored.. I'm very bored. I need to cut of my hair, before they gonna paint it.

You, i just called and talked nicelt to you. But you, have to gave me that symphetatic tone if yours.Thank you very much babe.

I'm hungry. Super hungry. I wanna eat lots and lots of things. Lasagne, pastas, pizza.. Subway sanwiches. Tako Pachis, Thosai, Hot Doggs, Doughnoutsss, Fried Chicken.. Fries and lots more fries... Everything!!!! Ouhhh~~

Stop running already nose! Geee...
Mel, did you pass me the bug??!!
Ughhhh~~ The ooewy-gooewy stuff slips nicely off the nose now and then and if unattended, it dangles and give you this tingly sensation that makes you go...

Ha..ha.. ATCHUUUUMM!!!!

Ughhh~~

I wanna go out with sweets.. Please say you will..

Still waiting fer my sickness to come by.. It's about time!!

Strange

2006-06-02T13:48:00.000+08:00

Yes it is.. very very. But first do you know the deifinition of it? Morons.
So.. it is..
I went out with little miss farah last night.. and we walked... and we walked... and we walked... all around town without taking a break.. and finally found the perfect piece for her. and cheaper then before.
Acit volunteered to send us home. cause he's bored.
Oh!! I was retrenched. but it was ok. it was a part time. no contract nothing and i still have not pack my stuff on the desk! Wahaha.. My pay's still not out yet.

Geeeweeezoo~

Oh, Oh guess wat.. with effect of midnight.
kudos~ to me and acit.
Our 2yrs & 6 mths anniversary.

wow thats long. freakie in fact.. but its ok.
It's nice to know there'll be someone out there no matter what comes around.
And to know he's stuck up to it this far with my moron-ic attitude..
Love ya lots sweet lips..

ok ok..time to go.

Little pee pee smells.. Euww~

2006-05-25T18:12:00.000+08:00

Define smell. Bad.. Pretty bad for a pee pee. I dont think you know. It's ok.
Last night's penanggal was cool. It looks so real man. But do you think 'IT' only goes for pregnant woman? Gee..
Enough said, just mentioning the name gives me the creeps. American Idol Results!! Tonight!! I didnt get to catch the Live show, like who bothers waking at 8 to watch American Idol live when you cant even have the balls to wake up early for school and work.
Seriously, what's going on inside my head? I dont know. I dont really have insomnia..
Yeah..

And so life goes on. That voice said again.

A secondary friend is getting married this 10 june and the younger sister getting engaged and she's only 18? I wonder what they're rushing for.
I have my whole life waiting ahead of me.
Example -
- Getting a proper job AND BE SERIOUS ABOUT IT
- Maybe be a makeup astist one day. No, not mak andam, thank you.
(Seriously, if i would wanna look for a telemarketing job, i can easily call for one at Berita Harian.)
- Parties.
- Hanging out with Vida.
- Behave like an adolescent
- Laugh out loud with vida.
- Sleep like no body's business.
- and many many more things to do.

Then what if tomorrow i die? Maybe i do have a reason to rush things.
Hmmmm..

I'm so hungry. Good thing Mum's in a goody mood and cooking nasi minyak which is actually oil rice. Haha. What kind name for a food. Poor thing. Hungry Hungry.!!
Hungry!!

Acit, where are you?

Thank you for showing me the greatest moments in my life like introducing me the best chicken that ever tasted so good.
I cleaned up his eyebrows last night. Crazy old man, you.
Thank you for the MP3. Tee hee hee.
How should i feel? I mean it's her. The girl whom he used to think was the one. She's back. But with a son. I hate it cause he's just being too close now. Maybe its just another innocent friendship. No. The last thing i need in this life is another intererence in us. She's his "The One". I dunno. I really dunno where i stand now. Thanks again. Welcome Back miss ComeBack.

Kucings~~~
Where are you?? Kekeke..
Having the lil suzie cat that so lazy and sleep, sleep, sleep.. Which doesn't mews at all for dunno what reason it has. At times i think my cat's dumb.
Then Nala tribes cat. Hahaha.. well, the name sounds tribe-y.
Seriously, i dunno. I just love'em now.

You people stink. I was called to make-up those people for NDP.
The only person i dont wanna bump into is mizz Curly wurlly. You can rot in hell.
And i'm gonna shave your head off bitch. HAHAHA!!

Die, Die, Die.

Peace no War.

Vida tagged me, i replied too.

2006-05-08T10:13:00.000+08:00

SEVEN THINGS THAT SCARES YOU:
1) kumbangs.
2) pontianaks.
3) OD.
4) him leaving me.
5) freak accidents.
6) rapists.
7) all other ghosts.

SEVEN THINGS YOU LIKE THE MOST:
1) dresses.
2) tinkerbell.
3) piglets.
4) dolling up.
5) sweets and chocolates.
6) dolls and teddy bears
7) accessories.

SEVEN IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1) bed.
2) mirror.
3) pillows.
4) music player.
5) clock.
6) bears.
7) big wardrobe.

SEVEN RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOU:
1) damn talkative.
2) just cause i talk to you, doesn't mean i like you.
3) not fussy.
4) i live to eat.
5) i cry alot.
6) short.
7) emotional.

SEVEN THINGS YOU WANT BEFORE YOU DIE:
1) a happy family.
2) be recognized.
3) have my own house.
4) travel around.
5) eat to my heart's content.
6) taubat?
7) to have love, and be loved.

SEVEN THINGS THAT ATTRACT YOU TO THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1) smiles.
2) veins on hands?
3) cute bum.
4) shoulders.
5) sense of humour.
6) the moves.
7) chemistry.

SEVEN THINGS YOU SAY THE MOST:
1) lerr.
2) tak tau sangat eh?
3) bodoh!
4) hmmm.
5) heh.
6) right.
7) ok.

SEVEN CELEBRITY CRUSHES:
1) Lindsay Lohan.
2) Meg Ryan.
3) Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
4) Jude law
5) Johnny Depp
6) Armin Van Burren
7) TYSON RITTER!!

SEVEN FAVOURITE DRINKS:
1) milo dinosaur!
2) ice lemon tea.
3) mineral water.
4) sugar cane juice.
5) lemon juice.
6) tequila!
7) baron.

SEVEN MEMORABLE KIDDY SHOWS YOU WATCHED AS A KID:
1) Little Lulu
2) The Carebears
3) The Majic Schoolbus
4) Oggy & the Cockroaches
5) Eek Extravaganza
6) Barney & Friends(I use to memeorise their every song)
7) Arthur.

SEVEN PEOPLE YOU WANT TO TAG THIS TO:
1) acit.
2) mel.
3) You
4) who
5) read
6) my
7) blog!

Kill the Disease!!

2006-05-05T10:46:00.000+08:00

This woman disease seriously is bringing me hell. and thank god, oh rather, hell no. Cause everytime this disease came running after me every first week of the month, it's Acit who gets all the p.m.s cause he'll get all moody and stuff.. haha. poor kid.
yeah, poor kid.
with his uneven sideburns. hahaha! niwae, i love you still hon, no matter how even you get.. hehe.
his birthday.. no comments.. his outings? i tried to be as cool as i can about it.
Just last night, he told me something he never did before. That he was thankful that i'm being here for him? Even tho he treats me like shit at times. All that at 5 am in the morning? Darl, you ok? hehehe,, nonetheless, i felt touched..
righto..
work, work, disease, disease, calls, calls...
sick of it ugh..
wat the hell..

Love..

2006-04-26T16:23:00.000+08:00

I heard he sang a lullaby
I heard he sang it from his heart
When I found out thought I would die
Because that lullaby was mine
I heard he sealed it with a kiss
He gently kissed her cherry lips
I found that so hard to believe
Because his kiss belonged to me

Presenting...

2006-04-22T16:18:00.000+08:00

The bucu bucu anonehs.

Meet the bucu bucu anonehs. M & M (mel and meng)
We went hysterical last night.. Laughing and laughing and laughing.
Ate at long john. Watched the anonehs had their little fights together now and then.
Hahaha..
And we went our separate ways. Soon after when Acit arrives. After we gave Acit a lesson on proper pronouncations of "Beach" "Bitch" "Pledge" "Fetch" etc.
We went Zouk. Tho there wasnt much of a people or occasion. Just to fill up the time, watched crazy drunk boys went bonkers, touching and feeling every woman bodies he could lay his hands on. Gee..
See, men when their drunk. Tho he was like making a fool out of himself..
And so the story goes..
Got to know someone better, how he tends to get carried away with his emotional side just talking of their old sweet memories together.
How about the sister fights? Meow!

I wear my sunglasses at night~

And so the last song goes at zouk..

Tonight, we're heading Acit's place. I've gotta get the best cake..
Surprise him at home while he's sleeping!

May he have a wonderful birthday this year.
and even tho we've been together for 2 years plus, this is his first birthday, i'm gonna celebrate with him together. Tho some of ourplans cocked up last min.. But hey, i wanna make this special for you honey...

Tonight we celebrate!

Rock on..

2006-04-20T17:42:00.000+08:00

The night ended with a bloodclot.

2006-04-20T16:41:00.000+08:00

Tiesto, like i thought he had something against Singapore. We could have come during those outdoors parties. Maybe held it in a bigger area? Cause i was sweating at the dancefloor, to think i was wearing a tube top. Quite upsetting cause i was hot. heh.
Crowded, people stepping on your feet. Tall caucasian men purposely stands infront of you even tho he noticed the difference in height and he'd probably block the whole view of mine! Fuck.
Nonetheless, he was great.I mean tiesto, not the tall men. Like duh,he wouldnt get rated BEST DJ for nothing. And finally my cam put on a great purpose. Thank god its slim.. Heh.
Right.

To start it of...

In the midst...

In the end...

Bloodclot!! I can see 360.. I can see it all around me.
i receive a bad bloodclot on both my toes i realise it now.Both. But the left one was pretty bad..and it made my toes looks uglier..
haha.. May you have nighmares with it.

Muakakakakaka!!!!

Misery is a butterfly

2006-04-14T17:18:00.000+08:00

Dearest friend I should have known better
But I couldn't say hello, I didn't know why
But now I think, I think you were sad
Yes you were, you were, you were

What I say, I say only to you
Cause I love and I love only you
Dearest friend, I want to give you a dream
That no one has given you

Remember when we found misery
We watched her, watched her spread her wings
And slowly fly around our room
And she asked for your gentle mind

Misery is a butterfly
Her heavy wings will warp your mind
With her small ugly face
And her long antenna
And her black and pink heavy wings

God has played a mean joke on me.

2006-04-11T17:32:00.000+08:00

An angel wrapped in a blanket
tucked away in the back of a carseat
and although it felt precious at the time,it was mean

and now purposely starving
waiting for the dreadful phone just to ring
and until it does just that, I won't do a thing

Our lovelife patiently awaits
for the mind and body just to agree
They bicker, they act very coarsely, they misquote me

And now covered in cobwebs
dust collecting from my head to my feets
and someone better shake up these bones before it smothers me

God has played a mean joke on me
now he's snickering behind some tree
along with all those other lovers I treated so poorly

I'm getting stronger.

2006-04-06T23:27:00.000+08:00

I'll make it through the rainy days, I'll be the one who stands it longer than the rest. When my landscape changes, re-arranges, I'll be stronger than I've ever been. No more stillness, more sunlight and everything's gonna be alright.

I know that there's gonna be a change so better find your way out of your fear.
If you wanna come with me,then thats the way its gotta be..

I'm all alone and finally, I'm getting stronger.
You've come to see just what I can be..
Hey baby, I'm getting stronger.

Sometimes I feel so down and out like emotion thats been captured in a maze. I had my ups and downs trials and tribulations. I overcome it day by day, feeling good and almost powerful a new me, that was what I'm looking for.

I didn't know what I had to do.
I just knew I was alone.
People are around me but they didn't care.
So I searched into my soul.
I don't wanna be the type of girl that will let them see her cry.

Trance is a natural drug that will heal us all..

2006-04-06T02:14:00.000+08:00

I've been running through this town,
I've been combing every street.
I've been searching for the reason within reasons,
Been searching for the higher ground in me.
And I've been trying to surrender,
To trust in every word.
All my days of misery,
Someone could have taken them from me.

If only for a day,
Oh if only for one night,
I could tell you this is everything that i have ever lived for,
But I'd be giving it all away.
So look into these eyes,
And tell me how you feel.
All my days of misery, someone could have taken them from me.

So tell me where you are,
Tell me how you feel.
Tell me what you need,
Just tell me how you feel.
And let it all just rain on me,
Let it all just rain on me,
Let it all just rain on me....
Rain down on me.

Killer Disease. Left outside to bleed.

2006-04-06T01:23:00.000+08:00

Its the first day of the Woman Disease today and its killing me.
Emma set me a warm towel to let it rest on my tummy. Relaxing.

"Uncle, Jalan Merah Saga please".
"Ah?"
"Jalan Merah Saga".
He nods. We get in.
"Where you want to go?"
"Jalan Merah Saga, Chip Bee Garden, there."
"Ah?! No, No.. Say properly. Where?!"
"Jalan Merah Saga, Chip Bee Garden.."
"Ah?! NO! Bukit Merah where you want to go?"
"Jalan Merah Saga, Chip Bee Garden, Holland V.."
"NO! Where you want to go? Say properly."

wtf? Exactly wats wrong with taxi drivers? I dont understand why he had to scold us?.
We hail, we get in, you drive. We pay.fucker.
The next taxi driver didnt help either.

"Jalan Merah Saga please".
"Where?"
"Jalan Merah Saga, Chip Bee Garden, Holland V.."
"Ah? Hollllaaand ah? Jaalan Meerah Saga ah? Chiiip Bbeee Garrdenn? Hollllaaand there ah?"
"Yah"
"AJC there ah?" "Cold Storage ah"?

Sheesh..

Watch The New World last night at Cathay.
Very spiritual. Tho not recommended for a movie.
But its a good story. Very Pocahontas. Infact, it is Pocahontas. Bah!
I want Nasi Briyani.
Please. I'm crazing for it..

I'm confused.
I wanna have long, luxurious hair. Maybe like Lindsay Lohan's.

I just lurve this girl man. Her style and stuff. She makes Hilary Duff looks immature. Hmmm..

But i want it short, spunky too. You know, while i'm still young and having fun.. Hahaha..

Sheesh..

It Was Just A Grand Illusion

2006-04-01T21:12:00.000+08:00

I saw you in a dream, it hit me like a bright light
Flashing on a screen, visions of my whole life.
I used to chase the moment of desire
Back to when my young heart burned like a fire.

It was just a, nothing but a grand illusion.
Heart was quicker than the eye.
Nothing but a grand illusion,
Legend in my own mind.

I held you in my arms till the other side of midnight.
Kept you in my mind, you got me through some long nights.
Standing on the threshold of desire,
Caught between the madness and the fire.

It Just Happened

2006-04-01T19:46:00.000+08:00

Tequilas.
Barons.
Friends.
Laughters.
Pictures.
Zouk.
Trance.
Music please...

So people get high last night.
Farah, me..
Girls feeling the beats as much as they can.
As, Hanan.
Emma, Maya, Bear.

I forgot i was wearing my heavy green slips which goes'Kepeng~Kepeng' down the stairs.

You. I can't keep my eyes of you. Secretly, I've been watching you. Stealing glances.
My heart feels something for you. Something they won't know. No body will know. Cause they don't understand what i had inside for you.

We shouldn't have done it, he told me.
We hadn't went where we went last night.
And it all would not have happened.
Thanks mister, cause i had a great time with you no matter what happened. I've been with you through this shit twice.
You keep blaming the situation.
Things just happened cause it happens.
Yes, people do regret. Cause they insist it shouldnt have happened.
And me, I feel the same way to.
I feel bad and i'm partly involved.
But for you to say that. I .... you.
Cause I had a wonderful time laughing and joking with you. I was so happy with you and you didnt want it to happened. Thanks.

Blessed, Fate or just merely Luck

2006-03-31T13:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday's school was really boring. The students are boring and pweety lame.
Mel treat me to a healthy dinner at Subway. Bam made a huge mess eating his Meatball Marinara. Smearing the sauce all over and dropping little pieces of meat now and then. Gee~

Went for a couple of drinks at Palawan. Was actually an ordinary, same-o same-o drink and chilling out talking rubbish, with the music of Latino heat flows throughthe not so chilly night.

And we saw a turtle. At palawan. Yes, Penyu.. Laying her dearly eggs. It was freaking amazing.!!To witness it there and then. We just got all excited about it, taking pictures together.. HAHA..
Why bother waste going to Terengganu? The turtle might be snoring for all you know there. But here, Palawan. It's such a beautiful creature. I cant get over it man.
I received a call from my mama last night at 4 am. Yes, she's working. Night shift.
And i got all excited about the turtle again.. and told my mum all about it at 4 am. HAHA..
Amazing.

It's you that i had a dream about. Your words are so trusting. You worry about my late nights, whenever i got tipsy at the clubs with the boys. You worry about the way i dress. But you like it tho. HAHA. Your words soften my bold heart. The way you caressd my body, giving me the comfort and the warmth i'v never felt before in my life. You made my realistic world seems stupid. I wanna be with you, to a place nobody knows. Not even a single soul. Please don't go..

2006-03-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

School - made up of 14 students both the young and the old.
Got paired up with a woman twice my age. Talkative too.
Bridal make up. What a way to start of the class.(Anyone getting married?) The kit was freaking heavy. It seems as tho i'm carrying a bomb with. Super secret top agent.

Work - Usual.

Misc - I dont quite understand the situation we are now. Tell me so that i could comprehend. Dont just ignore me that way. Dont start blaming me of the situation. Its all so lovely around you yet dreadful at times. Ego. The Reason. Dignity. The Answer.

- -I dreamt about you again. You took me to beautiful places i've never been to.Its been years. Why cant you just leave me alone. You keep haunting me in my dreams in such unspeakable manner. Love. I wanna be with you forever. But i cant. - -

Reality - It is to such circumstances to which leads to sleepless nights and unwakeable mornings.

2006-03-21T19:48:00.000+08:00

I won't talk, I won't breathe.
I won't move till you finally see.
That you belong with me.
You might think I don't look but deep inside the corner of my mind, I'm attatched to you..

I'm weak, it's true.
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer.
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster.

I've waited all my life to cross this line to the only thing that's true.
So I will not hide, it's time to try anything to be with you.
All my life I've waited, this is true.
You don't know what you do everytime you walk into the room.
I'm afraid to move.

I'm weak, it's true.
I'm just scared to know the ending.
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

2006-03-21T19:27:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of you last night. We were at a special place. Just me and you, holding hands.. There's a lake. With a NO BOATING, NO SWIMMING, NO FISHING sign.
The stars are bright, the moon leading our path. The willow tree shielding the light next. You pushed me gently to the tree and kissed me fiercely. I enjoyed it but there was a restraint between us. I wonder why. You backed away. It was all wrong. The feeling. But i wasnt sure of it myself. I was too scared to ask, you were to bold to tell. You smiled. And you left.

Dreams..Sometimes it doesnt have a beginning, the middle or the end.

2006-03-19T20:22:00.000+08:00

Fish got to swim, birds got to fly
I got to love one man 'til I die
Can't help loving that man of mine

Maybe he's lazy, maybe he's slow
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I know
Can't help loving that man of mine

And when he's away
That's a rainy day
But when he's back
The day is fine, the sun will shine
He can stay out as long as can be
For without him ain't no home for me
Can't help loving that man of mine
Show me....

2006-03-19T18:20:00.000+08:00

how time flies and here i am still standing.
been in and out of everywhere. the december holidays were a terrific but money-blowing journey. there was zoukout, christmas parties, new year parties not forgetting our holiday to kuala lumpur. in all a magnificent adventure. these pass few months were a lil more slower..i get to chill around more at home.
started work recently in database management. a sleepy job. thank god the mp3. well, thanks to bam. if he hadn't had his car, he wouldn't hav pass me that mp3.
i lost out promising ring. the only ring which stays put on my finger for the whole 2 yrs but now its gone. gone in the sea. damn that plastic ball. looking at the brightside, im getting thinner since the ring used to be tight but, oh well. met this guy at my mum's bbq pit, haizal's the name. Mum's work colleague's son. we talk and talk endlessly. bout nothing at all. mainly school stuff, life and... cicak.
haha. he's preety boring at first. nothing exciting came out from his mouth. really.
geez, i started to wonder why am i stuck with him in the wee morning. i was hoping bam would come. but he was stuck in a traffic jam. haiz. still this haizal, is erm.. hw can i describe it? sheepishly cute. its just a comment really. he cracks up ridiculous unfunny jokes which irritates the hell out of you but you'll end up laughing in the end. i wonder why?

yep, thats him alright. sheepishly cute. and man is he tall, for someone his age.. or is it just me that is short? or is it my bam that is short.. hehe.

met vida yesterday and we had some delicious chicken wings which we could just gobble down in seconds and a decent carrot cake. boy, were we hungry.
theres preety lots of kiddoz last night at esplanade.
there were this few girls with erm.. no sense of fashion.. haha. wat happen to this generation? some were barely 16 and they were smoking!! geez. watever.
we were supposed to go zouk last night but went mos insteas. Hed Kendi or was it Buff Wise ws spinning. we got bored since some people didnt make it there. so me and bam went else where.
err.. i accidentally deleted last night photos from my cam.. Oh PLEASE DONT BLAME ME.

i'm bored.

2006-03-16T17:46:00.000+08:00

I guess your state of mind

Is not yours to design

And all you need is time

To find your place in false light

2006-03-08T20:07:00.000+08:00

They will be there everyweek. No doubt. Their meeting point after the whole long week at work and school. You wont walk pass thru that place not seeing even a single soul. Its the chemistry they had. Its like a big family, everyones there for each other, both the girls and the guys. Tho some tend to get misjudge by others, but deep down, you'd know they are not like what they seem to be. "When are they gonna grow up?" - goes the remarks.
But no matter how childish people would judge them, they didnt knew that amongst these rascals, stood the bright ones, the tough ones, the short ones, the tall ones, the rich ones, the creative ones, the cool ones, the drivers ones, the rockin' ones, the caring ones and many more. They are not just any kids out there. They are wise in many ways. They just tend to get misjudged by the general. When its time to work, they work. When its time to study, they study. And they seem to get the benefits more then some others who just talk about them.
Its just from the eyes of the general, some see them the cool ones, while others see them as the "immature" ones. But they'd just smile the remarks away, thinking to themselves they have other things more important to worry about then to be cool or uncool.
Thats how the saying goes - Dont judge a book by its cover.

2005-08-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

You're kissing me and saying I'm the one you need to keep you warm and lay with you tonight..
Baby, I feel the same way..
I don't want to leave..
Wanna hold you close and feel your love inside..
I just want you to stay the night and let me rock you till the morning light..
It's cold outside and much too late to drive..
You know I need you, baby..
I'm so lost without your love..

Obviously, procrastinating just to be close to you a little longer now..
It's hard for me to break away from you, baby..
Never could resist you and I don't intend to learn how..
And I don't want to be a fool but it's hard when it comes to you..

I'll dive deep, I have fallen all the way..
Happily there's no escape, surrender to your heart..
Giving in to all of this, fascinated by your kiss..
I'm floating in your arms

Take your time, just unwind..

A little while to ease your mind..

You're the world I'm living in..

Precious time with you..

Diving in the blue..

We are riding on the waves..

These are loving days, loving days with you..

Fantasy, feel it rushing over me..
Nowhere else I want to be, my love is by my side..
For a moment you and me, holding on to ecstacy..
Give us all day and night..

2005-08-25T21:34:00.000+08:00

I didn't mean it when I said I didn't love you..
So I should have held on tight, never should have let you go..
I didn't know anything..
I was stupid and foolish..
I was lying to myself..
I could not fathom that I would ever be without your love,never imagined I'd be sitting there alone..
Cause I didn't know you..
Cause I didn't know me..
But I thought I knew everything..

The feeling that I'm feeling
I cried the nights when I don't get to hear your voice or have your touch and kiss your lips..

I can't sleep at night when you are on my mind..
And it's breaking my heart..
I tried to keep us together yet it kept falling apart..
I'm feeling all out of my elements, throwing things and crying just trying to figure out where the hell I went wrong..
The pain reflected in this words..
It ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside..
I need you

2005-05-10T14:40:00.000+08:00

Gotta find a way
I can't wait another day
Ain't nothin' gonna change
If we stay 'round here
Gotta do what it takes
Cause it's all in our hands
We all make mistakes
but it's never to late to start again
Take another breath
And say another prayer

And fly away from here
Anywhere
I don't care
We'll just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams
Are out there somewhere
Won't let time pass us by
We'll just fly

If this life
Gets any harder now
It ain't no nevermind
You got me by your side
And anytime you want
Yeah we can catch a train
And find a better place
cuz we won't let nothin'
or no one keep gettin' us down
maybe you and I
Can pack our bags and hit the sky

Did we see a bluer sky now?
You can have a better life now
Open your eyes
Cuz no one here can ever stop us
They can try but we won't let them
No way-ay-ay-ah

Maybe you and I
Can pack our bags and say goodbye

And fly away from here
Anywhere
Honey I don't care
We'll just fly away from here
Our hopes and dreams
Are out there somewhere
Fly away from here
Yeah anywhere
honey, I don't fly

We'll just fly

I'm the freak, she's the weirdo..

Auntie was going nuts when she's selling this drink.. Any cheater for a test?

2005-05-04T11:44:00.000+08:00

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world crashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you

I dream of better lives the kind which never hate
Trapped in a moment of imaginary grace
I've made a pilgrimage to save this human race
Never comprehending the race had long gone by

The future's open wide

I'm just so tired
Won't you sing me to sleep
Fly through my dreams
So I can hitch a ride
With you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
I just ain't the same without you in my life

Late night drives
All alone in my car
I can't help but start
Singing lines
From all our favorite songs
And melodies in the air
Singing, life just ain't fair
But sometimes I still just can't
Believe you're gone

Feel your fire, when it's cold in my heart
And things sorta start reminding me
Of my last night with you
I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too

You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye

I hope that all is well in Heaven
Cause it's all shot to hell down here
I hope that I find you in Heaven
Cause I'm so lost without you down here.

2005-05-04T11:34:00.000+08:00

Oh well, you've got me under your spell and I don't think that I'm kidding around.
I don't think I can forget you now. I once sat up on my roof and examined the planning of my town. I saw the structured grid and pavement cutting through the grass and I remembered the cold of winter running up the legs of my pants.
I picked the nicest lawn and imagined the two of us rolling around down along the ground.
I saw myself touch your face and I noticed jets begin to race above our heads. But I pinched my arm and remembered how much you hate me. I remembered the fact that I can't see what you need and I'm too stupid to be aware of the beauty that you give this place and how shitty this town would be without you in it. I don't think I can forget you now. When you aren't around I let the shades fall down to shut out all the sun's light and make myself feel alright. What am I doing with my life?
Oh well, you've got me under your spell and I don't think that I'm kidding around. I don't think I can forget you now. Remember that the only things we need sometimes are chilly nights and warmer thighs, 'cause theres nothing like being held sometimes.

2005-05-04T10:59:00.000+08:00

Acit's back from his holidays..
Ok.. things went wrong here and there.. i told him how i really felt.. i don't blame him.. but neither its my fault.. like, why, you people are just hearing from one party. but does anyone cares about what i actually feels? Fine i'm the bad one.. its all alway my never ending doings.. but have you ever thought by being possesive over would ruin my life? not just mine but ours. I was angry.. but sometimes when you think about it, i'm just not ready for this committed thing.. Its getting too serious..
i cant' deny that eventho i'm out with some other people, i'm still thinking about him. Tho there's always apart of me which will still be clinging on to something i doubt would be any..

I went out with him. We spent some time with budak kecik, cute and adorable who knows all the cars brand. He amazes me for a 2 year old.. Aww, i miss those "hello, bibik." which will be no more. There it goes. Went out with Zul, Bart and some of his friends. he was there too. As usual. The way he smiles.. its captivating. but then again.. its Acit.. there's this breeze of wind blowing on to me.. Makes me wonder while looking at the moon.. Is he gonna be looking at the same moon i'm watching. Is he still thinking of me like how i'm thinking of him too. but he's so far away.. I gave him a miss call. I cant bear it. i miss him. Too much. i felt the loneliness i once wanted so bad.. but i told him i accidentally pressed his number when i wanted so much to hear his voice.
Still, i tried to move on.. Thought i could.

Lying in your arms, so close together,
Didn't know just what I had.
Now I toss and turn, cause I'm without you,
How I'm missing you so bad.
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark
I lie awake I drive myself crazy thinking of you.
Made a mistake when I let you go baby.
I drive myself crazy wanting you the way that I do.
I was such a fool, I couldn't see it.
Just how good you were to me
You confessed your love, undying devotion.
I confessed my need to be free.
And now I'm left with all this pain,
I've only got my self to blame.
Why didn't I know how much I loved you baby?
Why didn't I show it? If I had only showed you
I had a chance..

Went to Juni's picnic. Was cool.. yeah..
Been spending most of my time with who else, Kidman.
Went out with nik.. Ah, the secondary crushes.. the old childish love.
Watched the freaking-stupid-there-goes-his-money movie..
Damn.. We went to esplanade and talk later that night. He spills over all his problems and his new life.. How people change. Then there's that "half-italian" (oh well, just cause he looks like one) guy.. Said he wanna return back to his ex fiancee but yah..
Haiz..

Exams are coming soon.. In just a few days.. I've been living my life like no one's business.. Got debarred for one paper. But i'm cool with it. I dunno what else i should do with my life already.. Sometimes i wanna join in kidman and just ran away form this world.. die.
Make everyone forget about me cause i wont remember them either. i refuse to.
Sometimes i feel that this life i'm leading, has no purpose to it.
i wonder why he made me live too.

2005-04-21T10:30:00.000+08:00

You and I once shared love
So strong and so secure
But all you left are memories
The feelings are no more

Like flowers in a big field
All died and blown away
The letters and the pictures
Are all that will remain

So many years of memories
Surpressed beyond recall
The feelings once unbroken
Seem silent and so small

But every moment, of every day
I wanna see you, I wanna say

No one knows you, like I know you
No one hears you, the way I do

2005-04-21T10:16:00.000+08:00

Ain't no headlights on the road tonight
Everybody here is sleeping tight
Ain't nobody gonna find us here,we'll disappear
There's a dancer in the arms of love
And he's dancing on the sky above
And the truth is that we'll never know where love will flow

Ain't no headlights on the road tonight
Ain't nobody here to make it right
Cause we couldn't seem to find a way, for love to stay
If you had another night to give
I would have another night to live
But you never gonna see me cry the last goodbye

Is it cloudy where you are tonight?
Are the neon lights shining bright?
Are you looking for a place to stay, to get away?
And the days are horses down the hill
Running fast with no time to kill
And the truth is that we'll never know where love will flow

If I could do it over, I'd do it all again
And if I got one more chance I wouldn't change a thing

2005-03-16T19:34:00.000+08:00

You say, I only hear what I want to
You say, I talk so all the time so
And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leavin'..
Now I know that I did somethin' wrong 'cause I missed you

And you say I only hear what I want to
I don't listen hard, don't pay attention
To the distance that you're running
To anyone, anywhere
I don't understand if you really care
I'm only hearing negative
No, no, no, no bad

So I turn the radio on, I turn the radio up
And this woman was singin' my song
Lover's in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying cause the other won't stay
Some of us hover while we weep for the other who was
Dyin' since the day they were born
Well, well, this is not that
I think that I'm throwin', but I'm thrown

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure
You try to tell me that I'm clever
But that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you

You said that I was naive
And I thought that I was strong, oh
I thought, "Hey I can leave, I can leave"
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, cause I missed you
Yeah, I missed you

You said, you called me cause you want me
And one day you let me go
You try to give away a keeper, or keep me
Cause you know you're just so scared to lose
And you say, "Stay"

You say I only hear what I want to

2005-02-28T12:44:00.000+08:00

We've talked this over so many times before..
and its those things that i've said, those things i've done.
I left you hanging alone in a city so dead while i was jollying my time with my girls.

You were all the things i thought i know..
and we both thought that we could be..

I've got my dumb girls.. and i know what they said..
They said you're difficult.. well, so are they.. i admit.
And i know they don't know us.. all the things you had for me all the love you've given... THey were the ones who shared my joy, when i brag and showed off the flowers you gave me on our anniversary.. the bear i brought along to evrywhere i go, those sweet msgs you gave me.. they envy me to having a cute and sweet guy like you.. They're not just hatred bout you.. They know you're a nice guy.. LIke you said, you're a revengeful person..

so fuck bout her already.. things wont change a bit bout her.. You hated her.. her brags, her big world.. i had enough of her too.. but who can i call my real friends? You know i dont have much friends.. before i met you..

Forget about the guys.. I was getting it back at what you did to me.. From the "HE"..
eveyone.. fuck the matrep, he's a total goner.. but "HE".. i wanted you to feel the pain i felt too when you were with "SHE".. its just the same situation..
You were always talking about "SHE".. i was so jealous.. and yeah.. i thought i could take matters in my own hands but i was wrong..

Its not like i kept running to other people besides.. But everytime i talked bout us.. to you.. you dont seem to understand my side of story..

i dunno..

when is this gonna end..

i love you baby..

thanks for being there for me that night..

it pays my 2 hour waiting for you at town..

It felt good to be hug and cuddle in to you once more like we did..

i'll get back to this again soon..

I'm late for my class..

love..

Sunshine..

2005-02-22T11:19:00.000+08:00

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better girl

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul…

. . .

2005-02-22T10:36:00.000+08:00

LIfe been hard for me this month..
I don't know, do i deserve this?
He left me in the middle of town.. and i'm so dumbstruck and i felt stupid, hurt, angry.. whatever.
Don't walk on me like that. I felt pain.. right..
Then someone came to rescue right when i was about to stumble and fall.
Thanks. You know who you are. You've shown me concern and care. Not just the use and abuse i guess like you claim.. or should i say like i thought you would be..

went chinajump with the chicks last thursday.
how should i say.. scandalous?
Uhhh yeah..
Had lotsa drinks, dancing and everything.. why am i like this?
I know deep down in me, my conscience speaking.. "izah, this is not you. Why are you like this? Where is the faithful izah.. The sweet izah who waits for her boyfriend at home while he parties with his mates. Waiting for his calls, his msgs... Laugh at his jokes, smile everytime he looks at down deep at her eyes. Shine for him every morning.. Gave him all the hugs he needs, kisses to make his day.. maybe sometime a surprise kiss while he's not looking, waiting for every moment to cuddle up with him.. Guess its all gone.. Gone out of anger, gone as he left me.."

with all the anger, taking over me, i seek pleasure and happiness in other people.. whom made me smile only for awhile..

so at chinajump, this indonesian idol, sang to us.. how sweet..
and how bad can it be that he sang those songs that reminded me of acit.. He use to sang me those songs right before i went to sleep.
Then later after his performance, he actually came up to us and bought us some drinks.. and we were dancing and dancing. Me, Sophie and Mel..
Imran got drunk and started talking crap..

Friday.. was shitty..
The day i felt like i was stood up..
i'm lost.. confused.. my mind's all messed up.. Got lost at orchard alone, at 12 midnight.. He was there for me, once again thanks.. Abbas and Yan, the concern thanks.. So he met up with me, brought me to One Night Stand. Torah wasn't working that day.. had some drinks..
Then..
then i heard my music.. hahah.. right not exactly mine, the one i've been waiting for so long.. heard it at indochine.. gawd, how i wish i could be there at that time..

Went chingey.. Ashik, Gopi..Sally..J..Hanan some other.. Shah, his x gf, Yanna.. The mats, the minahs.. Sheesh..
She freaks the hell out of me!!
So what the hell.. i think i had to much drinks for the whole week..
been drinking and drinking and drinking.. AMsterdam(obviously, my all time favourite..Just got my vibes going, you know) then had the heinekens..choco monkey,delicious..the bourbons.. the smoke.. everyting..

Enough of it..

I've never felt so lonely in my whole life..
Somebody help me up..

I'm drowning..

2005-02-02T14:28:00.000+08:00

LIfe..
How can i define mine?
So baby brought me along to Zouk with his mates a couple of times. I'm starting to appreciating the house music which was baby's soundwave to his 'Lala Land' with his mates..

Haizz.. The after party's the place we flew through after Zouk..
Kinky Freekz i'd best describe it as. Hahaha. Love that jumpy guy of mine.

I'm stressed out with this life.. School is damn shitty.. Datelines, datelines..
Completed the whole stack, here comes another one..

Sheesh..

Spent some time with the mates, Kidman and Corally mates..
Had our fun, laughing out jokes.. etc etc

Wasn't myself that day. Some things hit me hard. I don't know..
Why am i crying everynight? There's nothing to weep about.
Everything's fine now. But just at times i feel in despair.
Who can i turn too?

Why is the querido insecure? I gave querido everything i had, to make him see, make querido trust me.

He soothes me that night. Clearing thoughts of doubt.
I wanted to end everything.. I almost did. Cause I thought I wasn't fit to be the perfect girlfriend he wanted me to be. I thought I couldn't give him more.
But its all too painful too leave..

Here I am, standing strong with my man.
Scrap aside those harsh painful feelings i assumed. Sorry.
Your words spoke a different language to me.
He's the one. He has always been. I love him.

LAdyS have been messaging him lately. Thats another problem.
I don't mind, really.. BUt it makes me hate the whole life out of her because she acknowledges my baby i thought would just approproate for ONLY me to use it.I am still angry.. ERgh.. It's bothering me.. Tho its at the back of my mind..
B! Why? I so jealous.. I'm so green with envy that i would do anything.. and i mean ANYTHING to make it stop.
Start to bother about your own life.. So she was claiming she was having her own man's problem.. And she claims she'd kill the "bitch" who's bothering her man..
Excuse me miss? Imply it on your own doings.. The "hey sunshine" and "hey Baby" messages you gave.. What does that means to me? Excuse me, fill me in please. Wats going on? AFter i've read that msgs, it shots back at me.I felt stupid and worthless.. Who am i and what does MY "hey sunshine" and "hey Baby" messages would mean if you're doing all that to my querido.. I repeat.. my querido.So querido claims that she was just seeking some advises. Xcuse me miss, that's not the way either.. If you thought you can seek attention from my querido since your man is soo busy with his life, think again. You've came to the wrong place. Start thinking how his girlfriend would feel..
Off with it missy. It's over.
One more wrong move, its a call you're gonna receive to make you shut up!

Querido, what do you think? You said it easy, it's just a friend. I can say that too.
You were fuming mad when some other guy msg me don't you think i feel the same way?
The jealousy you felt, the competition, the doubts?

People claims that, Nah, they won't let the same thing which happen to them, happens to other people. But look at the outcomes.. Its easier said than done.

Life Rumbles.

Te quiero mi querido. Yo le Pierdo.
(I love you my darling. I miss you)

2005-01-26T20:59:00.000+08:00

There you go.. Why does it really hurts? When you thought life was getting better, it gets more and more complicated. How can this be?

Started my Mandarin class in school..
Cool, with one cute teacher.. Hahaha.
Been a month gone pass my holidays.. School was great..
Time table sucks.. I dont even feel school. Go school , study, 3 huors, go back.. How great can it be..

Got my pay, bought some clothes went out, just doing my thing.. the same old thing..
I getting bored with this life..

Haiz... Depression? No, my friends do make me smile.. But at times when you're sittng alone at home starring at the sky with no stars, you sometimes feel like killing yourself..

Cursed myself one fine day.. Just had enough.. Why? i dunno.. I'm all confused but I'm putting up a confident face.. Grr..

Theres so many thoughts in me.. But to whom can i really pour it out? I dunno.. God?

.........

2004-12-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

I want somebody to share..
share the rest of my life..
share my innermost thoughts..
know my intimate details..
someone who'll stand by my side..
and give me support..
and in return..
he'll get my support..
he will listen to me..
when I want to speak..
about the world we live in..
and life in general..
though my views may be wrong..
they may even be perverted..
he'll hear me out..
and won't easily be converted..
to my way of thinking..
in fact he'll often disagree..
but at the end of it all..
he will understand me..

I want somebody who cares..
for me passionately..
with every thought..
and with every breath..
someone who'll help me see things..
in a different light..
all the things I detest..
I will almost like..
I don't want to be tied..
to anyone's strings..
I'm carefully trying to stay clear..
out of those things..
But when I'm asleep..
I want somebody..
who will put their arms around me..
and kiss me tenderly..
though things like this won't make me sick..
in a case like this..
I'll get away with it..

Baby, can you be my somebody?

2004-12-08T18:20:00.000+08:00

Been some time I've been blogging..

YEp.. Raya ending soon.. and yeah went out with the chicks and mates.. yeah.. ate pizza, mee goreng, mee goreng and more mee goreng.. BLUEK~! Now i so sick of MEE GORENG!!! ARGH!! ok watever.. Went out with Mel during the hols.. With Ashik, Marni & Eileen.. and when people are happy on their holidays, I'm stuck for my IAP... Guess what i do at the lame office?
Proof reading.. yep.. just proof reading and there you go, $380 at the end of the month.. Yeah, yeah.. Easy job but and a boring one..
In my office theres 5 of us.. Salli, Liz, Aisha, Sab and me.. Then theres this chinese girl who sounds 'senggau'.. Irritating.. can i say something? I thnk i'm the coolest kid in the office.. ok ok.. besides salli.. who's talking rubbish at times.. at times i say.. ok..(no offence aye)..

I've been a quiet person.. just coz my voice sounds like a man!! Darn this sore throat... Hate this sore throat..

I think I'm sick and I'm dying soon.. Yeah.. Suddenly i cant enjoy the glory of being among delicious food.. Why.. 've missed out so much pleasure of eating.. ERgh... Do you have medications for this sickness??
I can't eat that much now.. Or i'll puke.. Uhhh..

Been to Acit's place for a few days.. Nah.. just accompany him while he's alone at home.. poor guy.. Help him clean the house, cook together and be a companion in the night..

We had red wine.. Dated 2 dec 2004... May be it was an early celebration for our One Year Anniverasry except ours was on the 3rd of december.. Yes..
Mel and Praz was invited for some drinks.. To celebrate their one year.. Congartes to myself and to them for being this far..
All thru the hurdles we've jump, the pain we felt and mostly the fun, laughter and love we've shared.. THANKS BABY.. FOR THE LOVE AND CARE YOU'VE GIVEN ME.. I'VE NEVER FELT SO MUCH BLESSED..

me and ayu

JUST A GLIMPSE OF THE HARI RAYA THINGY..
and many more obviously.. --> http://dee08.fotopages.com/

My birthday.. TOMMORROW!!
*Hint,HINT..*

Hahahaha.. Ashik got me a present.. A cute polka dots skirt.. Love it soo much.. hehehehe..

Well okay then i better get going..

Herh..

2004-11-18T13:39:00.000+08:00

You look into my eyes and I go out of my mind..I can't see anything cos this love's got me blind..I can't help myself, I can't break this spell, I can't even try
I'm in over my head..I got no strength at all..
In the state that I'm in where my knees are weak, my mouth can't speak..
I fell too far this time..

Baby, I'm too lost in you.. I was caught up in you and lost in everything about you so deep that i can't sleep.. Can't think about anything else but the things that you do..
I guess, I'm too lost in you

Well you whispered to me and made me shiver inside..The way you undo me and move me in ways undefined..
And you're all that I see, all that I need..
Help me baby.. coz I'm slipping away like the sand to the tide which flows into your arms, falling into your eyes..
If you get too near, I might just disappear..might lose my mind
I'm going crazy just giving love for you baby..
Those times you hated me so much, I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep..
I'm going down like a stone in the sea and no one could rescue me..

2004-11-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

A broken heart is a bird without wings to fly..
With all your might it can´t be denied..
A broken heart´s the darkest hour before the dawn..
Why is it you´re left lonely to the core..

If I had to try my best to remember when a time with no memory of you, I´d close my eyes and try hard to pretend that this heart´s been broken once before..

So torn apart so many words unspoken..
It must learn this hurt will end so if a tear should fall don´t wonder why coz frm now on it´s just forever you..

A broken heart can feel no desire..
It leaves you weak - all that remains is a broken heart like a river that won´t flow..
You´d never do that to me.. I know.

I need time to heal this heart.
I need all the strength I got inside.
I need a safe place to hide coz with my broken heart, I'm sure the you won´t be the same.

mauduk pada hari ini .. renungkanlah wahai musliMATdan musliMINAH..

2004-11-10T13:40:00.000+08:00

Sekian Lama..

Ku menghilang..

Tanpa bisikan hati..

Yang suci dalam debu..

Menusuk ke kalbu..

Hancur & musnah segala niat ikhlas di jiwa..

Bak purnama merindu kan bulan..

Hanya bintang menjadi saksi kita..

Angin sepoi-sepoi, meniup rambut ku yang hitam..

Di dalam kamar yang gelap gulita terngiang ngiang suara merdu bak m daud kilau menerangi kegelapan hidup ku yang keseorangan ini..

Kau pergi dan datang tanpa pepatah kata cinta..

Cinta ku hanya untuk mu wahai maulana..

Tidak ku sangka..

Sejak itu, hidup seakan tidak bermaya..

Rindu..

Serindu..

Rindunya..

Namun, engkau tak peduli..

Pilu..

Sepilu..

Pilunya..

Titisan air mata jatuh membasahi pipiku yang cute..

Di mana kau wahai sang kancilku?..

Oh..

Di mana..

Dia anak kambing saya anak kambing saya yang berwarna putih..

Oh di mana dia buah hati saya buah hati saya yang muka macam monyet ??

Chan Mali Chan..

OI! OI!

Wahai buah hati ku..

Wahai intan payung..

Walau kali itu kali terakhir GOLDEN CHANCE ku..

Berikan lah daku 2ND CHANCE mu jika benar aku lah FIRST LADY mu..

Andai nya kau pergi..

Gugurlah bunga cinta...

Terlerai mentari yang menyinar..

Ho oOoh oOoOh..

Pulang lah OoOoOh sayang..

Kan ku nanti sungguh pastiihh..

Rintihan kechoondunk unthok mu OoOoOoOo sayangku..

Seminggu sekali..

Kau datang padaku..

Membawa cinta yang suci..

Amboi amboinyer wahai sayang..

Cinta mu ibarat B.J kasik sepuluh O. SeEdAApP

Duduk berdua, di bangku plastic..

Aku bahagia..

Pasir putih, tepi pantai..

Ombak saling berkejaran..

Ku dayung sampan..

Dayung..

Dayung sampan..

Dayung, mendayung sampan sampai ke France..

Lalu ke pergi ke EIFFEL TOWER dan memekik melolong..

HENG SANA HENG SINI..

Kau berlari, aku berdiri bertanya mengapakah kau berlari begitu..

kau berlari ibarat di kejar anjing yang besar..

oh sungguh kasihan..

ku menangis..

titisan air mata ku simpan dalam botol lalu ku berikan kepada mu untuk tanda cintaku yang tulus, suci dan murni ibarat beras harmuni kepadamu..

bau mu .. terstuck di sini.. *points to lubang hidong*

andainya kau pergi..

alhamdulillah..hilang juga bau itu..

namun wangi wangian laut tetap di dalam lututku..

kasihku dengarlah rintihan jiwa ku yang memberontak meraung akan kehilangan kasihmu..

termenung ku sendiri..

teringatkan akan kasihmu..

Duhai sayangku..

Duhai kasihku..

Dengarlah rayuan seruan ku ini..

Tanpa kusedari..

Airmata ku mengalir..

Tiada whispers, MAXI OVERNIGHT sendu yang ku dengar..

Hanya suara mereka yang memekak ku mendengar..

Tetamu datang..

Tetamu pergi..

Manakan sampai kanda ku nanti??

Wahai kanda is the bus late again ??

Are u still gelling ure hair??

Kanda..Mengapa kanda habit suka lambat??

Adinda tunggu..punya tunggu...punya tunggu...

YA AMPUN..

hanya sepasang selipar jepun yang dibuat mencuci jamban..

Menjadi pengubat rindu ku..

Tetapi..

Apakan daya, selipar itu sudah kotor.. Menjijik kan sungguh..

Ia bertukar menjadi like Chocolates..

Aku marah..

Aku bingit..

Sekali gus, ku menjadi Red Blooded Wowan..

Tiada lagi Superstar dalam diriku..

Ku tidak tahu apa ini yang membuat ku rasa begini..

Ku tak tau siapa mu..

Tapi mungkin kau adalah seniman..

Susu goncangku membawa semua jantan ke ruang taman..

Iyer..

Ia lebih bagus dari kau punya..

Aku bisa mengajar mu..

Tapi aku harus mengadakan harga bayaran yuran MBMF..

Tetapi kamu tiada wang lagi..

Hapus segala harta mu..

Kamu menanggis sebatang sungai kepada ku..

Nangis ku sebatang sungai..

Oh..Oh..

Kau lah matahari..

Kau lah bumi ku..

Bumi ku bumi mu bumi yang tercinta..

Bumi ku bumi mu bumi yang tersayang..

Bumi ku bumi mu bumi semua..OoOoOoOoOoOOOoooh..

Jangan chuba merayu lagi..

Takkan ku ulangi bergasak dgn mu..

Kerna..

Kerana kau..

Ku maseh di sini..

Kerana kau ku bisa menangis..

Dan kerana kau yang menghancurkan..

Sayang..

Mari teman ..

Mari saudara..

Kita bergumbiraahhh..

Pohon maap bersama ku pintAaAaA..

SELAMAT SELAMAT KASIM SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

p.s : Sila baca warkah bersama saya ataupun teman nostalgia saya , Seniwati Alvidah.
Sekian.
Wasalamualaikum Wawahmatulahi Wabawakatuh.
Amin.
Amin.
YaAaAaAaAa GRrrrobil Al..
Amin.

..Somewhere Only We Know..

2004-11-03T11:50:00.000+08:00

I walked across an empty land..I knew the pathway like the back of my hand..I felt the earth beneath my feet..Sat by the river and it made me complete..
..
..
..
Oh simple thing where have you gone..I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in..I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin..
..
..
..
I came across a fallen tree..I felt the branches of it looking at me..Is this the place we used to love?
..
..
..
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?..Oh simple thing where have you gone..
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on..So tell me when you're gonna let me in..
..
..
..
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin..And if you have a minute why don't we go..Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go..Somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know?
..
..
..
Oh simple thing where have you gone..I'm getting old and I need something to rely on..So tell me when you're gonna let me in..I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin..
..
..
..
And if you have a minute why don't we go..Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything..So why don't we go, so why don't we go..
..
..
..
This could be the end of everything..So why don't we go..
Somewhere only we know?
..
..
..
Somewhere only we know?
..
..
..
Somewhere only we know?

2004-10-28T09:54:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning feeling like I've been run over..My head feels like I've been going solo with a brick..Crawl to the bathroom, grab the sink, the shower's running and takes all my will power to stop myself from being sick..
..
..
..
I don't know why I always do this to myself..You would've thought I'd learnt my lesson ages ago..I don't know what the hell I got up to last night..But if it carries on I know I haven't got long to go..
..
..
..
I'm not in the best of health..But I have done it to myself..But I can't help that..
..
..
..
Went to the doctors..Said I'm coming down with something and I'm afraid it might lead me to a heart attack..He looked me over, gave me his expert opinion..Gave me two tablets and said..

"Get lost and don't come back"

I know it's not what you wanna hear..But if I could just lay off the beer..
Then I would live to see another day..
..
..
..
If this was a cartoon..Then this blog might have a moral, something like,

"Don't you go down the same road that I went"

But as it is I'm enjoying myself, getting wasted..
Until I don't, then the moral thing can go get bent!
Hahahaha...

La vida es tal aburre..!

2004-10-20T11:22:00.000+08:00

Life is such a bore.. that's wat my title is all about..
Going to this school of shit.. Stinks! ERGh~!
Why am i here anyway? i hated business school.. except the cool kinky office wear i get to wear.. Hahahaha..
I wanted something casual, relaxed.. Some sort of my style, interest.. Photography.. Uhh.. I've always loved that since i was young.. But mama says this, says that.. haiz.. Wanna go to dat course.. "FILMS, SOUNDS & VIDEOS.." (did i get that rite?) yeah.. Bleargh.. O'levels.. watever.. appeals.. no time.. lazy.. ARGH!
Slowly, i'm going bonkers over.. NOTHING.
...
...
...
...
...
okay, look on the bright side, I've been early to school lately.. Had a hard time waking for Sahur..my eyes all STONE-STONE, STIM-STIM.. Hahaha.. Yawning everytime i put a mouthful of rice in my mouth.. Haiz.. Sleep, Snooze, Snore, turn and turn.. Fall out of bed.. Nightmares(tho not everynite).. watever.

To kidman, Eh woman.. Wher are you sia? Haiz.. late late, sleep, sleep, snore, snore.. Haiyo..
...
...
...
...
Acit's busy studying for his finals and i'm still stuck in school.. He'd be away to thailand having a jolly good time and i'm stuck squeezing my brain juice for my exams.. Haiyo.. Been a while since i met him.. 2 weeks, kinda.. School, Study, Exams, Ramadhan, Deepavali, Syawal.. Haiz.. Holidays, back to school again..
..
..
Went out with Mel last sunday.. Went to Raffles City, caught up with Sophie.. Haiz.. Girls, i mean i dont understand us.. One minute, we're bitching about each other, the next, we're friends.. Weird.. but yeah.. girls..
*GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN*

Hablo la mierda en este idioma español. Oye, me Da un poco de azúcar. Soy su vecino.

So i'm anxiously waiting for this week to end.. Gone away for baby's burden..
Eh not yet.. then baby gotta study for his driving thingy.. Aww..

Bluek~!

I dunno.. I'm nuetral.. At times, i'm feeling just fine. Handling my life as per normal.. my own bitterweet way.. but later, i'd be so deprieved over nothing.. Maybe i'm not used to not seeing him this long execpt when he's away for a holiday at thailand.. Aiya.. Cannot tashan animore liao.. How leh? No, no.. must tahan.. must tahan.. Haiz.. I'm outta my mind! Wats wrong with my soul? Wat do you need, soul?
Whoa.. So exciiiiting!(do i sound like Yoanna from America's top model 2?)
Nyakz~! I'm so gugu-gaga over her whole personality..Weee~
Eh..
I shud be going now..

Baby..

El bebé, yo le pierdo tanto. Pierda su abrazo tibio. Pierda sus besos, sus abrazos, su sonrisa, que mira en sus ojos. Pierdo todos y cada uno de los cosas acerca de usted.

*GONE*

Nada es más sencillo que la grandeza; verdaderamente, para ser gran deberá ser sencillo.

2004-10-12T14:46:00.000+08:00

Some thoughts about you..
I dunno.. Is this love?

I know you've heard these words a hundred other times before and you've been hurt so your heart has chose to close the door. Love broke your heart and brought you lies..
Look in my eyes and you'll see a love that's deep and true, tender and strong, and all for you..
You can trust this love..

Right from this heart, i'm giving you everything..
From this heart, i promise you that i'll be there..
Be there to love you..
Right from this soul, i'm showing you all i feel - feelings from this heart of mine.

I will protect you and respect you and be all you need.. And when you reach for love, you'll only need to reach for me..
These arms will never let you down and they're staying around you..
I'll walk with you through every storm..
I'll keep you safe, i'll keep you warm and you'll have no doubt..
Coz you're the one i'm living for..

I'll provide the love you need..
Baby, just trust my touch and believe in me..
I'll never make you cry again and i'm giving all i've got with all i've got inside.

I've been searching deep down in my soul..
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old..
Feels like I'm starting all over again..
Its gonna be a year and i hope it wasn't just a pretend..

I still get lost in your eyes and it seems that I can't live a day without you..
Closing my eyes shut when i'm in trouble and you chase those thoughts away..
To a place where I am blinded by the light..
The light that you've shone to me..

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time..
I want what's yours yet I want what's mine..
I want you..

You wanna know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl who's kickin' the coke machine
I'm the one that's honkin' at you cause I left late again

Hey, Hey, Hey
Can't you see i want you
By the way i push you away
Yeah, don't judge me tomorrow by the way i'm actin' today
Mix the words up with the actions
Do it all for your reaction, yeah
Hey, hey, get tangled up in me

You wanna know more, more, more, about me
Gotta know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see

Hey, Hey, Hey
Can't you see i want you
By the way i push you away
Yeah, don't judge me tomorrow by the way i'm actin' today
Mix the words up with the actions
Do it all for your reaction, yeah
Hey, hey, get tangled up in me

You think that you know me
(Tangled up in)
You think that i'm only
(Tangled up in me)
When everything i do is only to get tangled up in you

You wanna know more, more, more, about me
I'm the girl that's sweepin' you off your feet

Hey, Hey, Hey
Can't you see i want you
By the way i push you away
Yeah, don't judge me tomorrow by the way i'm actin' today
Mix the words up with the actions
Do it all for your reaction, yeah
Hey, hey, get tangled up in me..

Tome mi dolor lejos. Mis interiores la mayoría de los almas sangran bajo sus ojos.

2004-10-05T10:03:00.000+08:00

This woman disease is killing mi..
I've always hated when mensy comes.. Every month~! Ergh, the trouble you have to go thru.. Obviously God created this leakage for a reason.. Haiz..

So went to Kidman's place last nite and she cooked Tom "yummy" Yam.. And this funni but delicious squidy.. KWerx~

Went out with mi baby on Friday, so called like spending, celebrating our 10 mth anni..
Baby gave mi a treat at Fish & Co and was full right up to the jaw.. Baby had this cheese-melting fish..Uhhh..Mi can stiil taste the sweetness of the cheese melting in mi mouth.. And tasted just right.. Baby ordered for mi this SEafood thigy which has like Squids, Prawns, Fish, Rice & Raisins.. Just perfecto.. Mi Loving it..
Taste all so perfect.. Kwarx~ Then meet up with Baby's close mate Fazli with a nu chick.. ERm , crEEpy lil lovely doll.. Hah.. Baby sent me home dat night.. How sweet.. and we stayed up till like 5.. Well, we cud hav stayed longer but both our eyes are shuting down.. Hurr.Hurr.. Baby, te quiero tanto..
So mi went to Cuzz house, check out his nu-sonnie boy..
Damn, he looks cute.. I wanna have a baby too!!

Can u gimme a baby, darling?

Huh, tak nak?

Alah..

Nape seh..

So mi baby will pretty eyes like mine..kekeke.. One broken smile (the one i always had, sad when mi is quiet but sweet when mi is smilling..*WINK*) Uwekkk~~uwekk~~ (o.O)

Hahahaha..

OK fine..

Mi go look for someone who is willing to gimme a baby.. Bluek~

Huh?

I can go? YOu dont care?

Alah..

No, No.. Baby..

Don't leave me..

Hahaha.. K, k... mi just joking..

Mi dont wanna have baby.. For now..

Hurr..Hurr.. Mi think mi going crazy.. mi love talking this way.. mi feel like mi is COOKIE MONSTER.. mi love the colour blue.. and mi love cookie too..
kekeke.. talking of which, baby owe mi a brownie.. Hahaha.. ok ok.. dont' be too greedy now bikz.. Your baby might just walk outta door alone coz ur too fat to get thru..
Khekhekhe.. Mi will ask baby to eat alot with mi then.. So both mi & Acit wud be fat.. Hahaha...

The two fatso, shortos couple O's...

Kwerx..Kwerx..

Feelingo so sicko.. Mi havingo crampos, mi feelingo tiredo, mi bodyo achos, mi hado to crawlos outtos beddos justo nowos..(get wat i mean)
Hohoho..
Imagine everyone human being had to crawl coz they dunno how to walk.. Isn't dat funny? haha.. then you check out town side and see that ur the only man standing.. and everyone else is crawling.. Hahahaha.. wonmder how they got on the bus, sit, study.. or.. how wud they sit? kekekeke...
Hmm.. then think about it, Doggy style wud be a typical tyo these crawling humans..
Hahaha..

Mi talk how mi feels to mi baby the other nite.. Mi just felt lonely at times.. Coz mi sometimes can't open up to mi baby coz mi baby sometimes just don't understand how mi is feeling.. When mi started to confess mi feelings, baby wud get so mad and baby wud talk badly to mi.. Mi did not take it too hard at first coz mi tot baby might probably be giving mi good advise so mi can chage.. But everytime, whenever mi wanted to explain how mi is feeling, mi side of story, baby just won't listen at times.. mi felt very sad.. mi sometimes had to cry silently after mi had put down the fone with baby.. coz baby always hated when mi started talking bout how mi feel and mi wud start crying.. but mi always cry.. mi not asking for sympathy but thats how mi is.. mi cry when opening up mi inner most feeling.. mi try to keep quiet but sometimes baby wud just go on critisizing mi.. why? mi noe mi had low self morale.. Now mi had enouf critisism frm baby.. mi felt really hurt at times.. mi scared to tell him.. wud he understand. mi sometimes felt baby is trying to defense himself.. and sometimes when we talk, he tries to talk sense in mi that he's the innocent party.. mi just feel its not fair.. mi had gone all this way sacrficing what mi loves to do last time, to make him happy.. but did he know that? Mi follow what he wants mi to do and wat not to do.. mi follow his advise and it did mi good but it hurts when mi get to know that whatever he doesn't want mi to do, he'd do it.. mi try explaining and ask why is he doing it? he sometimes replied why cant he? Doesnt he respect mi? mi dunno who to talk to.. mi dunno how he can understand wat mi is feeling.. mi feel like crying evey nite when mi think about it.. mi dont get enough support from him.. mi loves him so much.. mi dont want him to get hurt.. and mi dont miself to get hurt too.. mi felt confused.. mi felt lost when think about this..

mi want to forget all of it.. mi will try and think about him.. mi felt his love filling in mi room.. he showered lotsa love to mi.. mi felt really special.. that's why mi loves him so much.. mi scared of losing him too.. to someone else..
but mi wont let anyone take him away from mi..

No, no.. mi no psycho goirl on the loose..
No, no.. mo also npt a stalker..
mi just a sweet innocent girlfriend.. hehehe..

mi hope you understand what mi is talking about..
Now mi fingers are tired from masrturbating..hehehe..
Eh no.. mi fingers tired from typing.. mi thinks mi wanna go home now.. mi feeling not well.. last nite mi vomits bandung..oh ya, true... mi vomits pink bandung at the bus stop..*GROSSED OUT* Mi felt really no-neng at that time.. mi head felt heavy and mi tot the tress are walking but no.. just mi head spinning.. mi felt high.. mi on drugs now... menstrual cramp pills.. then wat? you think mi take that kind of drugs ar? you want mi with death sentence is it? Hahahaha..
mi miss baby alot.. now baby won't be coming to mi place no more.. boO Hoo..
HAIZ.. K,K.. Mi wanna sleep.. mi tired..

Adiós y Gracias para leerme blog.

2004-09-29T13:59:00.000+08:00

Prengg, Prett, Prutt..

There is always that one person that will always have your heart. You never see it coming cause you're blinded from the start.

Even though we use to argue, it’s all right. And sometimes when we haven’t seen each other in a while, keep in mine that you'll still be mine.

I fell in love with you when we first met each other.When I see you from time to time it still feels like the first time.. My chicks can see it no matter how I tried to hide.. And even though i tend to get naughty at times, you're the only one in my mind..

I remember the night you first kissed me..
Cause after we kissed, the only thing i can think about is you’re lips..
And I..
Remember the same night, you told me i was the one you wanna spend your life with..

Mi LoPs YoU sOoO MuCh bAbY!

2004-09-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

Time keeps ticking and running away
And It’s taking us fast to a brand new free dimension
Too cool to mention well that’s the intention
But some of us too dame blind to see
It’s setting us free
To say goodbye to jealousy

2004-09-29T13:12:00.000+08:00

I've forgotten what it feels like to feel normal
To be normal
And I've forgotten what food tastes like
The way it tastes right
The taste buds taste right
Well, I wake up in so much spit and sweat
It is not normal
What is normal?
Well, I go to bed
When I wake up
After cleaning all
All the spit and sweat

Now I'm sh-sh-shakin', sh-shakin'

I tossed and turned all night
Cause I was looking for, for an ending
This was so because I watched all day
The Neverending Story with Atreyu

The next day came but not a beam of light
Because the blinds were shut
shut so tight

Well, I fell out of bed laced in spit and sweat

It made me very cold

Well, I'm supposed to feel better
This nightmare's supposed to end

2004-09-28T14:45:00.000+08:00

Been a while since i blog it in..
Firstly first.. Life been preetie messy for me nowadays..
Feeling lost, confuse, hurt, cared, loved and blessed..
When sometimes i thought life could better, it just collapse again and again..
I try not think about it too much and face everyday as a brand new day..
Sometimes what i feel is just unfair.. But whatever.. I just have to tolerate all this things as a great challenge towards my big ego.. I just want the best for him.. So what if i didn't get all those luxuries, those nice clothes every guy has been buying for their girlfriends.. I'm not materialistic..

Sometimes you just don't have enough faith in me.. Sometimes you think lowly of me and what does that mean to me? I'm your girlfriend.. I do take criticism.. And I've been ignoring all those hardsh words from you in way that it'll teach me to be stronger and a better person for you in the future days ahead..
Those cough syrups i took.. I admit.. was a foolish way to run away from the reality of life.. Helps burn away all my sorrows.. Shivering and sweating in the cold night as you sleep peacefully.. Crying and weeping in the silent night as you laugh to jokes of your friends you're listening.. That ego in me.. It suck..
But what the fuck.. I wanted to see you happy.. Forget what ive lacking of, forget what i've been missing of. The matter is you..

Sigh..

Silence..

Soul seraching..

Soul found..

Next week i'll be celebrating my 10 mths with my boo..
The 9th months was wonderful.. Baby bought me a bouquet of flowers.. Splendid..
I felt so special.. The bear.. everything.. The kiss, The cuddles..
Haiz..

*snap!*

BACK TO REALITY...

Here we go.. Kidman is bragging bout her new lappy.. Hah~! Big deal~! Lanky bitch.. Hahahahaha... Smiling from ear to ear.. sheesh..Yeah yeah.. Action, action..
FeeWeEzwUUuZzUuU...
Miss baby so muchie, muchie.. Munchie, munchie.. Monchie, Monchie..
Everyone is going crazy in this class.. HuuuHUuU..
Projects here, projects there..
Kambeng, Lembu..Monyet, Beruk.. Whatever..

Ngakz~!

Bluekz~*

2004-09-28T14:43:00.000+08:00

These words are my own

Threw some chords together, the combination D-E-F
Its who I am, its what I do, and I was gonna lay it down for you
I tried to focus my attention, but I feel so A-D-E
I need some help, some inspiration, but its not coming easily

(bridge)
Tryin to find the magic,
Tryin to write a classic,
Dontcha know, dontcha know, dontcha know?
Wastebin full of paper,
clever rhymes- see ya later

(chorus)
These words are my own, from my heart flow,
I love you, i love you, i love you, i love you,
There's no other way to better say
I love you, i love you

Read some Byron, Shelley and Keates,
recited it over a hip-hop beat
I'm havin trouble sayin what i mean,
with dead poets and a drum machine

You know i had some studio time booked,
but i couldnt find the killer hook,
now you're gonna raise the bar right up,
nothin i write is ever good enough

(repeat chorus twice)

I'm gettin off my stage
the curtains pull away
No ....... to hide behind
My naked soul exposes
woaaaaah

(repeat bridge)
(repeat chorus
I love you I love you, thats all i got to say
cant think of a better way, and thats all i got to say
I love you, is that ok?

2004-09-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

Days passed and I've been thru alot.. Had some misunderstanding with Baby and stuff.. Feeling suicidal watever.. I was shivering and sweating like a cold turkey.. No-neng.. Vomit.. And i could do is cry the whole night.. I hated myself and i wanted to die.. Leave school, family everything behind.. But it was all over..

Today i breathe in a new life.. A new found glory when the sun shines on me one day.. spent some time with baby, tho his tight schedule with school work, tests etc.. yeah..
So i changed my layout.. Pretty aye? Haiz.. Dont i just look lovely?? TeeHee *SnOrt*
Haiz..

Theres so much to say.. so many things to do.. but so little time..
At baby's place now and his mum cooked me favourite Red-Hot-Chicks.. Uhhh... YuMmY~!
HuRrHuRr..
eH Ok lah.. its getting late tho.. I wanna say so many things but i dont have time.. I'll just update later orh..

CheeZiO~!

2004-09-02T14:50:00.000+08:00

Its a very tiring day lately.. We danced in school like it was our Party.. Eating pizza and chickens.. Had lotsa beer.. Erkz.. RoOT beerz.. KwaAKwaAkWaA..
Yeah yeah.. Vidah was hyper lately.. VerRy hyper.. Unlike her.. HaaRgH~! Horny BitCh.. She was darn early the otha day.. The effects,.. its terrible.. Went out with the chicks last sunday and hell, did we had fun.. GroOving, we found a better way to party than going WOMAD burning those 20 buckarOoz..
Ate lotsa and lotsa lately.. BUrpz~*
And i'm getting BIgg.. baby wouldn't want that to happen to me but i cant resist food.. Ngakz~* foOd~!Kekeke..Went to WildWildWEt yesterday.. HmMm not much of a fun.. and went to this shop only to see the green sunDress baby bought for me in that shop.. Hmm.. i've worn it first honey~! NyAkz~!
Ate SAtay, kerangs, nasi lemak, pizza, ChicKenz and lotsa more.. UUhh.. TUmmy looks So r0und baybeh,.. kWaakWaakWaa~*
Vidah is all hip-hop till she dont stop and its like a virus spreading out real fast..DOcKiez~.. I'm having this Inter-department netball competition later on.. I'm soOOo..nervous..PrETTy butterflies flying in my tummy..(say it with a cute tone)
Eh, wait.. GOt space or not in there? Kakakaka~~!

WuuuuHHuuu~~!
Dad's going off to Australia this friday for 2 weeks.. Gee.. me gonna miss my DaDa real bad.. and this friday, its me and acit's 9th Month Anniversary..aWwez~*
Which is TOMMORROW!! TeeHee~*
WEeeHuuu~! Me LOps Him SoOo mUch..
Baby, if you are reading this, i wrote this especially for you darl, i squeezed my whole brain juice for this one honey.. and i mean every word i say from the bottom of my deepest soul..

You heard about my past,things i used to do..
The games i used to play and the boys that didnt last..
i know whats on your mind, you think im doin wrong..
Can i say what is real?
That you are the only one for me..
When im not around, do you think of me?
You should know by now, that its gonna take a lot of trust from you and me for us to make it through..

You should know baby, your my angel..
Nothing is gonna make you fall from heaven..
And i just want to love you..

Dont listen to what people say coz they dont know about you and me..
Put it out your mind cause its jealousy and they dont know about we are actually about here..

Lets talk about me being the selfish sometimes..That i always want my cake and eat it on my own(get it baby?) but maybe thats in my past..
But you changed me now.. Your love so real, that i'd be a fool to play around on you..
I want to stay with you always..
Baby, you should know by now that..

You blinded me with your light and its such a beautiful sight.. the way you move just captivates me every single moment..
You got me walking on air.. Your eyes show rays of hope that hypnotise..
They're a blessing in disguise, lightning up my life..
There will be no compromise, now that I have realised what you really mean to me..
You brought heaven to me just like a symphony.. The way you talk smoothes like music to my ears, a language out of this world..
I'm not a superstitious mind, not the spiritual kind.. But you became a revalation to me.. you made me believe..

You are the sun that makes the rainbow, the blue sky when it's cloudy in my mind..

I Love You..

2004-08-23T15:29:00.000+08:00

You say I only hear what I want to

And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you

You say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard, don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
To anyone, anywhere
I don't understand if you really care, I'm only hearing negative:

no, no, no

So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing this song:
Lover's in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure
You try to tell me that I'm clever
But that won't take me anyhow, or anywhere with you

You said that I was naive and I thought that I was strong
I thought, "hey, let me be."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong, 'cause I missed you

You said, "You caught me 'cause you want me and one day you'll let go of me
"You try to give away a keeper, to keep me
'Cause you know you're just scared to lose
And you say, "Stay."

You say I only hear what I want to

2004-08-23T14:51:00.000+08:00

I want to be by myself, sometimes I do
I don't want to be left behind, but sometimes I'm left by you
I press my tongue to the top of my mouth
Cause my jaw, was tired from the thinking
And I stretched my toes to the end of the couch

And when I'm left at home, when you're with someone else, I'm all alone
You do not cheat me of my childhood
You bring me blankets for the walls of my forts
There is no anger with the eyebrow raised
When you do the fantastic I am amazed

You left me at night, you were partying at some clubs
You're not ripping out stitches, but you want me around
You are the treasure custodian cleaning the moon for me
Scouring the sky so the stars would shine bright
You stand straight-faced, and tip-toed on top of a ladder
And I wait..

Baby, tell me, what is this darkness,
And why do I feel so alone?

2004-08-13T10:22:00.000+08:00

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the guy
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

__________________________

2004-08-12T13:40:00.000+08:00

Yeppa~~!

2004-08-11T09:56:00.000+08:00

Addicted~~*

To chocolates.. NyAk~~*NyAk~~*
HurrHurrHurrHurr.. Baby loves giving me choco surprises, the other time i got Kinder Bueno from him.. then Hershey's kisses (Muackz~ Muackz~..) TeeHeeHee.. Then erm, The triangle one..Gee forgot what name that one is.. Then he bought for me Cadbury's (SluRpz~*) Then recently KitKat.. Yummy~~! BuRpZ~~* oPPsie..
Ahakz~! Mi Lops yO soO much Darling~!
Then the unbearable Choco ice-cream from Haagen Dazs.. Then the Banana Caramel melting in the mouth.. DrOoLZ~*
WhoOoO~* Khekhekhe..
Then baby complains i'm carrying a belly which looks like a jelly.. kWaakWaakWaa~ But mi still look seXay to yo ryte baby? Winkiez winkiez~~*

Spent a wonderful night with him on Sunday.. Making our own FIREWORKS.. BuYah~!
How wonderful can that be? HurrHUrr.. After that night.. All i can think about is him.. Only him.. He's so charming that nite.. Heehee.. He has always been looking charming, my man of coz.. And cute.. Thats why all u girlies can't resist him.. with his captivating smile, cute looks, and charming style.. You'll be mesmerized by his style just like how i fell for him.. Nyum, nyum... and also the xtra bonuses.. His sexy, kinky moves.. I lOIke~*

Hummm,,,

Me dada bought me a new handphone.. T630.. Coool.. Me lops mi dada so much!
ahakz~! My PIrate dad.. arRRr~~!
Hahahaha..
Baby owes me an ice cream.. for being late.. hurrhurr, mi dont carre..Actually three buckets.. But me, being your lovely, cute, too hot to handle girlfriend, i'll ignore the other two.. tee hee hee..
LemBu, Lembu.. been teasing him alot.. Rasyid, Rasyid.. KwaakWaakWaa~~!
wokie doodies doo.. me gotta go.. Maybe seeing Baby after school.. me dunno.. He sounds so tired.. awww~~!
Mie misses ya so much already..
Updates, Updates.. Later..

Toodles~~!

2004-07-26T13:39:00.000+08:00

Oi~~! Where's my song?!

2004-07-26T12:50:00.000+08:00

Raunchy sweet-honeyD melting Adventure~~*

It was a road to remember...We set out at "THE OL' FORBIDDEN PLACE"...
Walk thru all corners of the Sinful place and all the way to Kallang..Yeah... Aljunied and Kallang obviously isn't that far.. But our journey doesnt ends there..After reaching Kallang River, we walk our way thru the long path and there we are.. We saw the lights.. Felt the cool breeze ESPLANADE.. It was an unexpected, unplanned, unprepared trip..
Me in my skirt and my Diesel shoes.. Acitz with his Guess shirt and pants.. walk our way from Aljunied to Kallang to Esplanade.. It was a long trip but we still managed our way.. and it took approximately..an hour or so..
Saw the mysterious-vulgar shouting-finger pointing stranger in a white car..
We were taken aback... But wat the hell~~!
Had two stop in between to ease that tired leg.. First had a stop at Kallang...
Second stop at Esplanade..We sat and talk for hours... From Politicians, Wonders of the world, History, Scientific, Geography all the way to AKHIRAT..
Yeah.. it sounds weird.. To have a boyfriend and Girlfriend sharing these kinda things together.. but we talked alot and shared alot of informations...
It was like the first and the last trip..
A trip to venture..
Went to Aunt's place at Yishun last Saturday.. and my mouth can't stop chewing..
Had Bonestick.. and it was super delicious.. I lost count for how many times i actually ate.. Slurping and slurping.. Last night.. It was a magnificient night.. My friend was all looking so beautiful.. Tho she kept shouting and scolding while she was in her engagemnet dress.. Erkz~~*
Went to a new place last night with Acit.. The wind was blowing strong at my face.. Tho it was a pretty hot day.. But last night.. I feel as if I'm at the peak of a mountain.. We sorta reckon we saw Suntec City tho.. Hahaha..
And saw the star.. The only star shining above our head..
I feel so blessed.. Kinda.. HurrHurr~~*
Saw Helmi and Razzeq on their way to La Salle.. and we talked.. It nice to see old mates and share some lack infos.. Haqz~~*
Looks like all of us share the same fate in our O'levels result ay?

Peace~~*

2004-07-23T10:05:00.000+08:00

Annoyance~~!

Its making me mad.. The longer i'm in this school, the more annoyed i'll be..
I mean.. Okay.. I am here.. There's absolute silence in the room.. was about to enjoy the peaceful surronding when these idiotic girls stepp in and started scolding vulgars at each other.. running around and jumping up & down.. What the hell?!
Okay.. So they settled down right infront of me..Yeah.. I'm cool with it..
Then they started turning on this malay song and singing aloud together... Oh Gawd~!
Someone please help me in here.. I'm longing for peace and quiet.. Someone please tell them to shut up..It really annoys me to hell.. Now earwax stating to ooze out of my ears... Oh jeez~~

So i challenge them to the greatest song your ears had ever heard of.. Walah~!
(No!! NOt my blog song of coz..Some other songs that'll pop your ears out!!)
And now they're gone.. Volah~~! I've won.. WEEE~~!

.........................................

Peace...Finally.

So Anna tot me and Acit broken up.. Geez.. Is this the kinda wishes i got from an old fren whose lost?Wat ever was she thinking? To hell with that...
I've got better stories to tell.. It seems like a usual thing going to school all alone.. Oh yea...
Mel's been M.I.A due to erm.. what.. tiredness? Kidman? Now you see her,Now you don't..
She's like chipsmore cookies.. HurrHurr...
So i spent my time in class.. studying with Neng? Oh yea.. Sound weird but yea..Neng..
CaiXin seems so extra caring to me nowadays.. or does she gave the same treatment to everyone in class and i'm the one who assumed i was the special one?? So yeah.. yesterday.. believe or not.. she actually wanted to print me our class time table.. i mean not just any class time table.. but a new, retyped and arranged neatly time-table.. and she had one for me.. awww~~* isnt she sweet.. how thoughtful.. but weird.. looking at her talking kinda like made my hair stands.. she's creeping me out.. think Kidman would agree with me on that.. And last week Nadiah talked to me.. i was so surprised.. Tho it was nice of her to acknowledgement.. really appreciate that.. but i feel really weird.. with new students and all.. Ifah smiled alot to me.. hahaha...I now that means nothing.. but okay.. I'm just thinking too much.. Gee..
And also sorry to u guys reading this and if i ever mentioned your name and had a lil bit criticism for you to handle in here.. Bwahaha~!
OKay..so yeah..
Hah~! it's already the few last week of the month.. i still can't believe how time just fly pass me like that...
School been all trashed up with projects here and there.. and still i'm taking things so easy..
Life may be so boring yet so lively at the same time..
So i wonder..

about nothing

...

...

...

Okay.. wondering wat clothes to wear later on.. Hehehe.. or maybe wat to wear for my girl's engagement day.. i wanna look great..(I've always been looking great) HurrHurr~~* maybe if i could get everyone's attention and make them wonder whose the bride... Hahahaha... Glam is just the style.. HUrrhurr..
Nah.. obviously its nothing like that... Those Kebaya and KUrong and just stuffing in that closet oof mine... screaming to get out.. but yet still i'll be wearing the same usual ones.. Yeah.. i do practice favourism for my clothes.. Gotta wreck the whole closet down and give away 'some' unused ones.. I wouldnt dare say 'some'.. it should be ALL.. Hahahaha...
I went to school and noticed these two girls from my school walking just ahead of me..
They are like how should i say, short and fat.. Bwahahahah~!
Ya Ya.... they're way shorter then i am.. Tho I'm not that really short..
I was just studying them from the back..
Dress Code? You wouldn't wanna know... Hahahaha.... They look so much like a primary six student... Tee Heee...
I dare to say..I've seen better Primary Six girls out there.. who dress more daringly than i did...
Haiz~~!.. Girls these days.. No offence to those two girls tho.. it was just a study.
Silence..

...

...

...

(Clearing up my mind..)

...

...

My sis Cuzz... the one staying near me.. Or shud i say.. The Kakak-kakak one... tee hee hee..
She's one girl who's getting on my nerves these days.. And her mum.. Always giving all my other family members problems..

Well it doesnt bothers anyone with what i wear out there... Why shud it bother you? To hell with however i wanna dress.. It just doesnt concerns you.. You think your daughter is way better than i am? Ok so i admit she's prettier than me.. What else does she has? How about a decent cert? OKay so i admit i didnt do that well for my O'levels.. But at least it was an O'lvels cert.. People Rise and fall from success.. maybe i fell then.. but i'm rising slowly back up.. So what if i always came home late on weekends.. Mama didnt say anything that i cant'.. Tho i know my curfew is to get back by 4am.. Well you cant simply expect me to be out there from dawn till dusk right? I get tired too..I'm a human too.. Wats there to be jealous about in my family?
Whats there to win about me? I aint dat better anyway.. I'm not dat good, that glam, that rich.. Tho your family is doing way better than mine is..
We had problems to.. Way serious shit than what you think is liek from the surface.. at times we're handling the matter good.. at times not..
It just made my heart sinks to the bottom..

(FlashBack)

What is in my mum's heart.. I could never understand what she's suffering from.. my dad? me? my bros?
I still remember how bitter it was to know that my mum actually neglected me.. I had to find my own food.. Wash my own clothes, fold my own clothes.. It hurts to see that all your family members clothes are folded nicely and neatly but yours are dumped at the corner of the balcony..Okay.. So i did bring it upon my self all the time.. I was sorry.. And i know time and time again my mum gave me that chance for me to prove myself but i've been letting her down..
Quietly she cries..In her room.. I peeped.. I feel her pain.. I understand how a woman feels.. But a mum's heart that was broken, to see your mum cry behind your back, it really stabs you hard..
Her beautiful smile was gone.. i tried to look for it and try to mend things back just the way it use to be..
One Sweet day...
I can see her smiling everyday.. Especially when Acit drop by my place.. I've never seen her put that magnificent smile ever before.. I was so pleased whenever Acit's around me.. coz then i see her happy..Her Jokes, her laughs, her care..its everywhere.. It just made her forget about the problems.. The problems i wouldnt wanna return to...
Those hardship she faced.. And her advice to me on love... She said..
"Until your heart is broken by someone you really love,then you would understand how i feel deep down inside.."
I kept quiet..pretending not to understand..
How could this be?It happened since i was in Primary 6.. but i got to know about it when i was in Sec 2.. When i'm old enouf and matured enouf to think about for my own good.. my mum' brothers came by one night.. talking to a man i dont recognize..
My dad's siblings were there too.. then they went away.. to a place. i heard it was my grandfathers's place...My uncle told me once right before he came in my house.. I'm a big girl now that i'm 14.. i have heart to feel and a brain to think.. If ever i feel theres something i wanna voiced out.. just come to him.. he told me my cousins are there fer me to find comfort.. I acted stupid again..and smiled.. I cried.. I feel pain.. I heard stories of children who came from a broken family..i had friends who came from broken family too.. but i've never thought i would be one of them.. From that night after.. We suffer.. as a family.. Mum and dad kept on quarelling day after day.. night after night..thats when i kept failing for my exams..
My brothers are still young.. they wouldn't understand.. She pitied my brothers too much.. she stayed on with my dad.. standing strong on her ground as a wife and a mum..
And i was giving her problems.. i was too mad about everything.. everything that happen to my family...

Years passed.. everything seems to be going fine.. Until one day.. Acit was at Thailand.. I was all alone with my bros at home.. Mum went out with her friends.. I cleaned the house a little, made tea for everyone.. and she came back... wiith her friends.. with dat look on her face.. that look i thought i'd never see again... mum's friends was comforting her, cooling her down.. Talking bout those past that i never wanted it to return.. Suddenly i felt so lonely.. i felt so crushed.. i thought it was all over.. but it wasnt.. I didnt know who to turn too.. who to share all my sorrows with.. Here i am suffering again... Acit called that evening.. And all i can do is cry when i heard his voice on the line.. I wish he was here to comfort me.. but he was so far away... I didnt wanna tell him what happened.. i didnt wanna worry him about me.. but i was so "--------------"..
We went to K.L few days later.. and everything went back normal again.. i hate this feeling.. This feeling come and go.. It hurts slowly inside...Now.. All that i can do is just wait and see what lies for me ahead...My future...

2004-07-22T15:01:00.000+08:00

Holy Hell~~!

Meow..

2004-07-20T15:15:00.000+08:00

WeEeE WuUu~~**

Miss my Mr. SuperThug....

2004-07-19T14:12:00.000+08:00

BUyaAh~~!

Its been a while since I actually wrote up an entry here.. Aite then.. Here I am again..

Been spending my week with Acit.. Wats new right?
Last Friday i finally got to see who Ama was.. Erm well.. Okay.. My first impression.. was like erm, That's Ama??
Hehehehe... I'm being mean here but.. Erm.. I expected a more foxy, sexy senyorita.. But something else came.. Hahahahaha...
She doesn't even look 20+.. Haiz.. Tho she had a cool shoe..
Hahahaha.. Yeah went drinking with Acit and Biol.. Finish up that King Robert's which was like a weeks old? Hehehehe..
Yeah we bought it fer something speacial but things just doesnt turn out as we expected the Huts and all.. So.. our alternative plan wasnt really planned out so we were like ...Tooot~~*Tooot~~*
Dead..Our brains just went dead.. We're tired and all...Shhesh..
So yeah.. So Acit went Centro alone.. Hmmm...Okay...
Then we went Johore with mama the next day.. Then at night Acit went Centro with all his peeps.. And ya.. Time & timie again i always didnt bring alonmg Din's disc.. Sheesh..
Week after week i saw.. And time and time again.. i didnt bring along his Disc.. Sorry Mate.. Hehehehe..
So yeah.. Friday night, just spent my time sleeping at home.. and i got to a surprisingly still tired mood of 16 hrs sleep.. HoLy Hell~~*
Yeah yeah.. Hahahahaha... Acit went out partying with his mates again this week.. Oh well. Wats new again right.. He just know how to have fun i guess.. And Saturday, Gee.. Mama dress me up for town.. i look so erm.. Working lady.. Hahahaha... I feel so funny.. I'm so not reay for that yet.. Mayeb once in while will look cool.. Hahahaha.. Just have that image transformation.. Weee~~*
So yeah.. Meeting Farid later to take some pix from him at Bukit Batok..
Here we go again.. Monday.. A fresh new week. and it feels like last monday was like yesterday? Haiz.. How time just flew by that easy...
So we're having Racial Harmony day this Wednesday and a trip to the New Water PLant.. Kwakz~~!
And by weekend, Lina's getting engaged.. Awww... Still remember those days we're having fun together..How she smoked for the first time and cough like a dragon.. How she always keep on changing her boyfriends like she's changing clothes and how she kept confusing us with her status... Geezz.. Those times when she always gives us sweets when we meet up after she finish working at her Children school... hahahaha..Now she's moved on to a more serious stage of life..Haiz..Now she made me feel as tho i'm so old.. I'm hardly 18..
There goes Lina.. Wonder who's next? Fadzilah? Or erm.. Nani? Maybe Ayu..Ahh.. Life is so unpredictable.. Time flies so fast.. And i'm hardly moving anywhere..
Just now mama was babbling on how i should just school while i can coz i aint going nowhere with this cert i'm doing now.. Gee.. School.. Thats another thing.. I just got no more interest... But i wonder where i'll go after i finish ITE... I've always hated doing paperwork behind a wooden desk and having your face covered by a square screen that shines it lights directly at your face making your eyes all squarish... Bleargh~~!

So its a new layout to my blog.. nO... I just change the colour..and pictures.. notice.. hehehehe.. Its like i'm following a theme..the previous one was like more Rocking Dull.. This one is more Blazing Star.. More Hip Hop i should admit.. Hahahaha.. Oh well its just a blog i shud say.. Oh well.. I think i should go now...

Mesmorized by his style..
Could tell he was wild..
But he had a touch of class..
And a million buck smile,Acit..

2004-07-16T14:30:00.000+08:00

Look What You've Done~~*

Take my photo off the wall if it just won't sing for you,
'Cause all that's left has gone away and there's nothing there for you to prove,

Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone,
Oh well, it seemed like such fun until you lose what you had won
Ooh oo

Give me back my point of view 'cause I just can't think for you,
I can hardly hear you say, what should I do? Well you choose

Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone,
Oh well, it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won,
Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone,
A fool of everyone

Take my photo of the wall if it just won't sing for you,
'Cause all that's left has gone away and there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone,
Oh well, it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won,
Oh, look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone,
A fool of everyone

2004-07-08T13:33:00.000+08:00

I'll Be~~*

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And I've dropped out, I've burned up
I fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on
Remembered the things that you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

The greatest fan of your life

2004-07-05T10:40:00.000+08:00

Guess Who's Back..
Uhhh Yeah... BiBIkz is in da HOuse.. Ah ha.. Ah ha..
Gwak~~

Ya..ya.. MIA lah.. this lah, dat lah...
Sorie.. My internet's down at home.. And its my fault.. KwAk~~!
Been going for Hols this Hols.. Duh~!
Went Batam, K.L and simply lazing around at home.. Spending my time with some old frens and always.. my baby.. Hehehe
Wat's new anyway..
Had a boring time at Batam tho.. Gee, it just bore to death...
Wat a lousy decision to make to actually follow my dad.. But... bought this sweet pink tube dress which looks kinda like erM.. Tho's dresses Dirty Dancing latinos laydees wore? Ohhh yeah... That's it.. Well.. still dunno when i'm gonna wear it tho.. maybe for a special occasion with that special someone? *Winkz*

A trip to K.L was much better.. Went Sunway Lagoon, Genting Highlands and not forgetting Time Square.. Yep..
I tried that new roller coaster in that shopping mall.. and it was great... HAD A BLAST..*bOOM*
Yeah.. tho i'm having fun.. was missing Acit real bad tho.. he's away to thailand.. with Scootch.. Ahhh... wonder hjow he'd look like.. Gwak~~!

Just recently, went to spent a night with Acit to mark our 7th month.. well, it doesnt went as we planned, but...it's great to spent that moment with him.. Happy Anniversary Sugar DarL..
Had a Family Dinner Saturday night..Met some old cousins and boy, do people change..

There's so many things to say.. so many things to share..
Got lotsa new pix up too.. yeah..
So now, since my uinterbet's down.. i'd be just depending on Acit to check out my tag if he's kind enough to tho.. and also be like Mel.. depend on school.. Gee weez...

Yeah.. Niwae.. miss everyone out there too.. Today.. first day of school.. As usual, newbies came.. Time to check out those peeps..
Hahahaha...

Some bad things happen tho.. and i couldnt get my mind to run with ease.. I was sad, i was mad..I was HURT..
Baby..
If theres something i would ever wanna ask from you.. Is that those "things" just have to go.. U noe wat i mean.. U noe wat it is.. I didnt like it since the beginning and i tried to understanD ur lifestyle with those things part of ur life.. But..
It has come to that time when somethings has to be let go..its been months since the last time u took those things, why now?
I really care for you.. and love you right from the bottom of my heart..I'll be the happiest girl if u could just let go of that part in your life now - now that u have me..
Its a new life to lead..
Baby.. Do it cause u love me...do it for ur own good..
Please...

2004-07-05T10:05:00.000+08:00

If I Ain't Got You~~*

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things define what’s within
And I been there before but that’s life’s a bore, so full of the superficial

Chorus:
Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby, if I aint got you baby
Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything
But everything means nothing if I aint got you, yeah

Some people search for a fountain
The promise is forever young
(You know) Some people need 3 dozen roses
And that’s the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be?
With no one to share with no one who truly cares for me

Chorus:
Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby, if I aint got you baby
Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything
But everything means nothing if I aint got you, you, you
Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby, if I aint got you baby
Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything
But everything means nothing if I aint got you, yeah

If aint got you with me baby, ohh, ooo
Say nothing in this whole wide world don’t mean a thing
If I aint got you with me baby.

2004-06-10T17:54:00.001+08:00

End Of The Road~~*

You know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing with my heart like this
You'll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you know that I'm right
Why do you play with my heart?
Why do you play with my mind?
Said we'd be forever
Said it'd never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say goodbye

Well, I can't sleep at night without holding you tight
each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I'd rather be dead
Spinnin' around and around

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

I know you really love me,
You just don't realize
You've never been there before
It's only your first time
Maybe I'll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you'll try
We should be happy together forever, you and I
Can you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead, just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me, don't let me down

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

I'm here for you
All those times at night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn't care
You just don't understand how much I love you do you
I'm here for you
I'm not out to go out and cheat at night
Just like you did baby but that's all right
Huh, I love you anyway
And I'm still gonna be here for you 'till my dying day baby
Right now, I'm just in so much pain baby
because you just won't come back to me
Will you, just come back to me
Yes baby my heart is lonely
My heart hurts baby
I feel pain too
Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don't let me down

Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

2004-06-09T16:15:00.000+08:00

We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Hustlers grab your guns
Your shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California (California...) here we come
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothings gonna stop me now
California here we come
Right back where we started from
Pedal to the floor
Thinking of the roar
Gotta get us to the show
California here we come
Right back where we started from
California (California...) here we come..-Phantom PLanet

2004-06-08T13:05:00.000+08:00

One night, a wife cooks up some deer steak and serves them to her husband and two children..
As they're enjoying dinner, the husband thinks it'll be fun to have the children guess what type of meat they're eating.
"Is it beef?" little Katie asks.
"Nope."
"Is it pork?" little Willie asks.
"Nope."
"Heck, we don't know what it is,Dad!" Willie exclaims.
"I'll give you a clue," the dad says, as he smiles lovingly at his wife. "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."
"Spit it out, Willie!" Katie shouts.
"We're eating asshole!"

Bwahahaha~~!

2004-06-05T16:12:00.000+08:00

Am i??
Anyway...
When you feel you wanna walk around town but you've been there like every week and yet its still the same... The same people, same roads, same shops, same things..Singapore, its a boring place.. i gues.. Tell me where can u go when ur only 17? U wanna hit the clubs. U're still young.. U wana go to ones where 16 is the age limits,like what Hendrix? I bet ya.. There'll be too many groupies shitzz and youngsters who act as if they've been thru alot in life... What the hell..
So yeah.. Last nyte.. went to meet Acit at he's place.. He was so worked up about his bro tho.. So yeah.. Said he wanna go Zouk dat nyte but i dunno.. he didnt reach there in time.. So he went to "Monyet Miang" instead with Farid & Arab..
A trip back home was kinda bored..i really dunno what to talk to Mizah(Farid's Gf)... She has that fierce looking feature on her tho she's smiling..eRKZ~~!
Okay.. Met Don in the train and.. yeah.. been years since i met him.. Bwahhahaha~~! Good luck on the hand tho..
Today.. i dunno, a got a new photo album tho.. chek it out.. more picx is to come..
So yeah..
*GrIN*

2004-06-03T11:53:00.000+08:00

Hmmm.. Yeah.. Been sometime since i last updated my blog.. Sheesh..
Been lagging eversince..Right..After that Saturday, its just pure boredom for me.. Staying at home was all i can do..
Acit's in school and busy.. and i'm stuck at home, transforming my room to something very spectacular?Well, something like that.. Its more spaciuos now i guess.. Enough space to make out on my room floor and turn here and turn there.. Bwahahahaha~~!
Yeah right..Dad's been asking us to follow him to Batam.. Suggesting that while he works in the day, we go shopping in the day.. and spent our time together there only in the night for dinner? Hmmm...Its no like Batam is Paris or something.. Well, then Mama said we'd be going to K.L to visit my aunt there.. Its been like years since we spent our time together there.. Poor Aunt..
Time is so scarce and by the time I'd be back from K.L.. Acitz gonna go to Thailand.. Hmmm..He says it's all about against the odds... Gee, after hearing that its kinda unsafe there.. I'm kinda reluctant to let him go.. Maybe he'll return, maybe he won't?
Argh~~!! I dunno what to tell him.. When i told him that its a stupid way to risk his life, he says he has his own principles..
And I'm no one to him to stop him from doing what he's been waiting for..I'm no one...
Today's our 6th month anniversary.. Gee, everything seems so fast.. And it felt as if December was just yesterday and here i am with him.. 1/2 year through..And at this special day.. I heard him say..that little words that would mean a world to me..
That he's love has never changed for me not even a bit..and its still ever strong just like before..
And yeah.. i should really keep that in mind and not take that as for granted.. Its not easy to hear Acit say those kinda words..
Anyway.. I should be thankful and grateful.. After all that we've been through.. Those hard times.. those tears shed, those moments when our hearts bleed in pain..
But still I could see that even after he reassures me that things would see its brighter days, theres something bothering him about us..Its like, when I see thru his eyes, I could see that fine wall blocking my way thru to find his heart..Maybe its just me and my wild imaginations..Gee, i'm really in love with this man..
Just wanna let him know that if some shits happen again I swear I won't cry, even as tears fill my eyes if he really walks away from me..
I wanna give him all my heart,smile everytime he's around..
And cry when he's apart and I wanna love him the way I do..
What really makes him so right?
Is it the sound of his laugh, or that look in his eyes?
He is the dream that I seek and he's the force in my life..
Should I always apologize, no matter who was wrong?
Or should I get on my knees if that would bring him back to my arms?
If it was to be any other guy, I'd let him walk away and I'm sure I'd be ok..But I won't be if its with him..
Baby, other guys will come along, they always do but what's the point when all I ever want is only you?
Gee..
Okay...I'm getting kinda tensed now..Its been kinda hard.. Only get to see him once a week..
And i was thinking of spending the whole day with him but.. yeah.. Hahaha..
So what a boring week aye?There's not much of a thing to do anyway..
And i've been having this weird dreams lately.. That I'm seeing someone new.. And its the same guy in every dream.. who is this guy? Hmmm..

The mystery unfolds...

2004-05-29T18:11:00.000+08:00

Bah~~!

I'm so bored and there i go again.. changing my template layout again.. But this time around.. it pays off all the hard work.. look at all the pictures especially the main one.. cool aye?
Supposed to be a blog full Of Stroke 9 stuffs.. but then.. Yeah.. I changed.. every single thing..replaced the main pictures with my pictures and songs, with my own layout and colours..Gee, i'm getting good.. hahaha..
I got clueless bout the songs tho..Hahaha..
Gee.. I'm damm bored.. theres nothing on TV.. my body's aching..
Argh..

Went to town last nyte.. With Acit..Met up with Mikong and Torah,Baby(Acit's fren) and ermm.. Safia?Is dat her name? and met with Toten and EeMan..Yeah.. wishes the bloomys birthday pEePS, Torah & Toten, their 18th Birthday..
So yeah.. as usual... There Toten goes again.. making fun of my height.. GrrrL~~!
and how he and Eeman,says Acit looks like Fahmi Punk.. Erks..
Not even a bit.. Even Torah agrees with me.. But one thing's for sho' that everyone would agree..Acit's not that lame like Fahmi.. All about his Punk stuffs.. and whatever he wants to clarify about his life..
Haiz..Saw Kecik at town.. Anyway.. i had fun last nyte.. Tho me and Acit felt asleep when we're not supposed to..Hehehehe..Gee..

So Acit's having 'kenduri' at his place now.. And me.. I'm going to one at my aunt's place at Choa Chu Kang tommorow.. Wonder which baju kurung shud i wear.. Hahahaha.. Yeah.. I think i'm getting very vain nowadays..looking at every mirror at every oppurtunity and Acit would come covering my face and whinning on how vain i am.. erkz.. Well, I'm a girl afterall.. Hahahaha...Getting hungry.. But mum's cooking a dish that's not to my appetite.. Mee Rebus.. OrGH~~ That'll be the last thing on my mind..Gawd~! Gotta reck those cabinets and look for some other food..So yeah..

Rock On.. \m/

2004-05-27T18:12:00.000+08:00

The Gone Aways~~

Yes..They are gone from my life..

Goodbye to..My handphone, which was stolen..
My smoking habits.. June is just around the corner so its farewell to the ciggarettes and the lighters..

Good bye to the back of the classrooms.. NOw it looks so empty without the curtains and the posters up the walls...

Goodbye frens.. Coz all my navalites chickaz who are from the C.O.S coz... are leaving me all alone.. the only navalite, alive and kicking in school..

Goodbye delicious food... Coz its time for me to tone up that ass a little.. coz i'm fucking fat already~!

Goodbye to depression...
Coz Acit says things are going to be better as days passed between us..

REsT iN pEaCE~*

2004-05-27T17:00:00.000+08:00

Broken~

I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; And I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

you got away, you dont feel me anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Cause Im broken when I’m open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome
And I dont feel right when you’re gone away

Cause Im broken when I’m open
And I dont feel like I am strong enough
Cause Im broken when I’m lonesome
And I dont feel right when you’re gone away

2004-05-26T14:25:00.000+08:00

This one especially for you baby~~!

I will rock you like a baby, cradled in my arms..
I will keep you safe from all the danger and shelter you from harm..

There will never be another lover,who can treat you like I do..
We can drift into forever, on a love thats made for two..

But dont you ever say that this love is not special or even say that its not essential..
Cause it is..

I was only thinkin of you and hoping you were thinkin of me..
Two hearts beating just like one, agaisnt this world...
I am always dreamin of you and hoping you are dreamin of me..
Cause I could never live one day without your love...

I will kiss you like an angel, baby and cradle in my wings,
I will take you up to heaven and show you precious things...

If you promise that you love me, and if you promise that you care,
I will be here for you always and forever this I swear...

Though you say you want a love but you dont think you believe in it..
Just open up your heart..and I'll know you will recieve it...

Cause everynight...

I was only thinkin of you and hoping you were thinkin of me..
Two hearts beating just like one, agaisnt this world...
I am always dreamin of you and hoping you are dreamin of me..
Cause I could never live one day without your love...

..And..

I learned a lesson in my life but I learned it the hard way..
And I don't know why I used to fall in love with the wrong kind..

Then I suffer so much pain but I only had myself to blame..
Until you came in the nick of time to show me..

That love doesn't have to hurt to feel good..
And it's such a revelation coz with you, I can be myself..
I don't have to cry that often..
Don't have to fight everyday and don't have to feel that i would rather die..

Darling now it seems to me like I've always known you..
But I still shudder when I think back on the lonely times..

I used to keep all my feelings inside..
But from your eyes, I have nothing to hide..

Lying here beside you just feels so fine..
Talking about everything in this heart of mine..

2004-05-25T17:57:00.000+08:00

Damm.. the papers.. can-do,can-du i guesso...
bah! Wat the hell did i say? Dunno where dat come from..
Meeting Mel later.. gonna study some papers for tmr.. Hah! My last papers... At last.. Been waiting to say.. My last papers tho`..
Geee Weeezzu~